I’m crashing, not because I’m tired, but, my not drug related high is gone. I’m emotionally drained. But I was happy this morning. I get on my lunch break, and I’m immediately down…ready to leave this shit job…ready to leave this earth, considering the fact that none of this matters…none of the effort I put into life will ever matter…we all die eventually. So what’s the point? I don’t plan on dying anytime soon…unless some cosmic accident takes my life away. I think I’m content with dying…as long as I can’t feel it or it doesn’t hurt. I’m content because i feel like I have nothing to live for.
You ask me if I want to die this morning I would have said no. Maybe I’m bipolar. That would explain a whole lot of shit I experience in my life…the emotional roller coaster I experience day after day.
Whatever. Maybe I’ll get in a car accident tonight, or i will get attacked by a patient on the job.
Maybe, but probably not.