I tell myself this everyday. Hoping that one day it will be true.
I feel like such a fake, but then again, I don’t even know what’s real. There is so much fake in my life or maybe I’m just not letting them be real. Is the way I act, the real me ? Are my friends even my friends ? I know that they’re 2-faced to a lot of people, but are they to me ? And my family.. everyday I face them and they don’t even know what’s going on in my life. They don’t know what happened to me in elementary school. They don’t know what I’ve done. How IÂ unintentionally hurt my best friend and friend. How now, more than 2 years later, I still think about how much I’ve cried during that period. My family doesn’t know how I was bullied, and after a year of it, I just broke down and all my friends acted like they care but I know they didn’t. I entered high school with a mask. I reminded myself to smile. To not get close to anyone. To just be friends, but keeping my distance. To be friends with everyone. Even though I found later that everyone’s 2-faced… It’s obvious that I am too… just not in the same way. I’m so sick of my life. I’m sick of my family. I don’t even know them… and they definitely don’t know me. I’m so tired. All this lying to others and myself is just soo tiring… I cry to myself so much.. and everytime I feel tears coming, I’d go to a mirror. Look at myself… and say, “You’ll be okay.” And I have to believe it because it’s the only thing that keeps me going. People say if you something long enough, you’ll start to believe it… and hope it’s true because it’s the only thing stopping me. I don’t even know when the thoughts came to my mind. Why I thought what I thought…
There’s no one supporting me, or is it just because no one knows ?
Will I… ever be okay…. ?
3 comments
You will be ok. [I promise you] You need to let your family know what goes on in your life, everything that you wrote on this page is what I have been through, word by word.
My family thinks I am the biggest peice of shit in the world, but in my other life, outside of the home, I am a god, I am respected, I am loved, people bow to me for help, and I am always willing to give it, but in the end I don’t care and it makes me want to put a bullet in my brain, because.. It doesn’t matter to my family, and thats all that matters to me. My family, but i fucked that up. And now I have no family to call family except for my friends around me.
I am here for you, and others are as well, just don’t doubt it, just let them know YOU ARE THERE FRIEND, regardless of them caring or not….
Live long, Love life, Love love. Big dueces, Little Homie.
you don’t need friends to succeed. even your best friends now will eventually go their own way and you’ll never know why. they just do. it happens to everyone. you don’t have to like your family but always respect them no matter what they say. nobody is going to give you sht in this world so you’re gonna have to get off your azz and make it right for yourself. get yourself in school and make sure you study something that will allow you to succeed. all you need is yourself. now look in the mirror and say to yourself, I will be somebody and no one will stop me. instead of hanging out with so called friends, try cracking open a book that will make you a better person in life.
i do believe that if you tell your self something long enough you will believe it becuase i was in the same spot as you if not worse but i told my self everyday that i was beautiful and some one some day wiould love me and it will be okay. now im engaged to the best guy in the world , and i am okay. i have been there and i will support you. please email me at rains_kelsey@yahoo.com