Your just making me feel worse

Am i really weak your wanting to die sometimes,… The most important person in my life said “your weak stop being a little fucking vagina” =((( i assked what if someone in your family killed themselves.. he said they would be remembered as weak.. i all i thought to myself was… im going to be remembered as weak now? Not good or kind or giving.. which i am very much so. Then he took it back and said talk to me whats wrong just tell me… and he know whats wrong but i guess it’s just so i can express my emotions and cry it out and were making plans to see a theripist … but the thought of that makes me cringe having to relive these grown men running there hands all over me….. i feel like i just don’t have enough time to do all this.. my emotional clock it ticking.. and it scares me