I can’t sleep. i just keep cutting myself or laying in bed jittery because i’m not cutting myself. tomorrow is huge. tomorrow determines what i am going to be doing about my issues. option one) hospital option2) reasonable plan option3) continue with my impulses to kill myself
i’ve been cutting practically nonstop all day. the chances of staying out of the hospital are looking slim. i hate the hospital. i dunno, my resolve not to cut at this point is pretty low being as my brain keeps going “just a little more, it won’t make any difference now” but i keep getting impulses to slash veins
i like option 2 though. there HAS to be some kind of solution other than a temporary hospital stay that screws up my life. You should tell your family. They’ll be there for you. With depression you need all the support you can get.
so which option are you leaning towards Sparkeyes? Personally I like option 2 assuming you can come up with a plan that fits that description. Option 3 is ok to so long as they can just stay impulses. Option 1 I guess would be more of a last resort if those impulses become uncontrollable…I dunno though my opinion might be biased by my dislike of hospitals. Not that I have ever been put in one but my brother was in a couple when we were younger and it didn’t seem to help him any. He seemed just as messed up when he got out as when he went in.
Well at least for me right now – I don’t think I want the help? Then again here I am…hm.
I’ve been restraining myself to cuts along my left arm only. I used to have it above the sleeve line…then to wrist. etc etc.
I agree, think it’ll be difficult to stay out of hospitalization…
Meh…maybe there is some other solution.
Also tg17 I agree with spark, need all the support you can get.
I tried when i was 13, i told my nmom i was thinkingabout killing myself. She yelled at me how thats nit funny and when my dad got home from work she told him and he slapped me and i was grounded for 6 months(it was only 2 months but i kept talking back so it got reved upto 6) since then i have tried muliply times tell them but they always send me out of the room b4 i actually say it…
I’ve been five times. I know how hospitals work. If she insists on the hospital I will go willingly so I can withdraw within 72 hours. It isn’t going to help me now. Option 3 is getting more and more dangerous, so I hhaaaaveee to figure out option 2. I am scared of telling my doctor because i have never stated the entirety of my problems out loud.
teengirl17 I am so sorry they aren’t listening, But don’t give up on support. Reach out. Talk to your school counselor and your friends. if you get in a bad situation call a hotline. god knows i’ve been on them. you can get through this, you just have to not let yourself get secluded
i don’t hate them per say. i think they are really important in certain situations. just not this one. option three is invasive. i can’t get suicide out of my mind and it’s just taking over
i completely understand you being scared. but trust me once you aren’t alone anymore, you will feel so much better. they will help take it off of your hands and you will be so relieved. just be prepared for them to take action and get you set up with doctors and stuff like that. I was scared too when i first came out with my cutting, and when i first decided i couldn’t live, and every time i have to tell my story fresh. it;s scary
That’s kinda cool i guess. But usually people don’t die at mental hospitals. It’s the whole point of making it nearly impossible. but i understand, lots of people hate hospitals
Yea you should really try to get your parents to understand how bad you feel TG17. Although on top of being scared of how they might react you probably feel like you don’t want to burden them with this. Since I think you said in another post that they are going through some pretty rough times also. You said your dad was out of work because of carbon monoxide poisoning I think. Also that you didn’t feel like your parents had much time for your issues when you have 3 younger siblings.
AS long as you are alive there is still time to make who you are count. Good to see you back Spark. You all need to know that pain is a choice. Your choice. My choice. I think if pain is a choice then so is joy, love, maybe even hope. You guys are kids. I am 53. How long you want to drag this baggage around? I come here when i feel like I want to finish things. I feel at home here because you all understand the pain. You feel it too. I am so tired. i haven’t slept much for a few days. but it is like Hamlet, at least here i know what I face. If I die whats on the other side? What if this is the good side and the other is worse? What if you can”t take it back. Can’t take it back because you are just dead…. I understand how you feel. Just got all my meds refilled this time i got plenty. But what if it is worse?
Yeah its pretty hard, they r really stressed out right know…i know i really need to make them understand but im just worried that theyll either blame themselves completly or blame me complely(which to be honest is probably more likely) …im going to college next yr so im thinking i mught just tough it out till i move out..i think telling them over the phone will be slightly easier…it doesnt really help that my dad diesnt really believe in depression,he thinks its just a way for attention and since im the oldest thats what they always play it off as
Thanks for the welcome back. Taking the walk and getting the milkshake helped for a while, which is better than nothing. i still ended up cutting again, but so goes my life right now. i don’t believe there is anything after death, and I am not at a point in my life where i find it particularly difficult to die. I just don’t want to hurt my mom. I just wish the pain would go away and the goddamn impulses
Well hopefully you will enjoy college more then high school, It can be a much different atmosphere. Maybe just the change of scenery, getting out of the house and being on your own will cheer you up some.
hell none of us want to believe there is anything after death. Don’t want to believe in Cancer, or screwing up killing myself and spending the next 20 years staring at a ceiling because I didn’t quite get it right and I get locked in a body that doesn’t work anymore but didn’t check out either.
@Vox actually I would love to be able to believe there was something more after death. I think most people do. Pretty much every religion has some type of after life generally as a reward for living this life well. For me one of the things that makes this existence seem so pointless and depressing is knowing no matter what I do its all going to end in to short a time anyway. So why bother doing anything.
@WhatAmIDoingHere… You said “So why bother doing anything.” and I’ve been there before… and sometimes still wind up there. Life isn’t usually that short… and the time can be more palatable if you’re doing something productive, educational, fulfilling, or otherwise motivating. Understand that I still struggle with this… but I know, at least logically, that keeping busy helps against being depressed.
My religious views on what happens after death are a little different… but I have to focus on the before-death if I’m going to have a chance at a satisfying life.
@distant.road
I hear what you are saying. Its just hard to find the motivation to even get started on things. If I know I am just keeping busy to try to distract myself from being depressed, well then that in itself is depressing lol
A condition of body and mind which typically recurs for several hours every night, in which the nervous system is inactive, the eyes closed, the postural muscles relaxed, and consciousness practically suspended.
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i want to talk
hi:) whats up?
I can’t sleep. i just keep cutting myself or laying in bed jittery because i’m not cutting myself. tomorrow is huge. tomorrow determines what i am going to be doing about my issues. option one) hospital option2) reasonable plan option3) continue with my impulses to kill myself
I’m pretty much right around where you are sparkeyes….
i would go for option 1, get the help u need, but then again im to terrified to even tell my parents about my depression…they wont beleive me
i’ve been cutting practically nonstop all day. the chances of staying out of the hospital are looking slim. i hate the hospital. i dunno, my resolve not to cut at this point is pretty low being as my brain keeps going “just a little more, it won’t make any difference now” but i keep getting impulses to slash veins
i like option 2 though. there HAS to be some kind of solution other than a temporary hospital stay that screws up my life. You should tell your family. They’ll be there for you. With depression you need all the support you can get.
so which option are you leaning towards Sparkeyes? Personally I like option 2 assuming you can come up with a plan that fits that description. Option 3 is ok to so long as they can just stay impulses. Option 1 I guess would be more of a last resort if those impulses become uncontrollable…I dunno though my opinion might be biased by my dislike of hospitals. Not that I have ever been put in one but my brother was in a couple when we were younger and it didn’t seem to help him any. He seemed just as messed up when he got out as when he went in.
Well at least for me right now – I don’t think I want the help? Then again here I am…hm.
I’ve been restraining myself to cuts along my left arm only. I used to have it above the sleeve line…then to wrist. etc etc.
I agree, think it’ll be difficult to stay out of hospitalization…
Meh…maybe there is some other solution.
Also tg17 I agree with spark, need all the support you can get.
I tried when i was 13, i told my nmom i was thinkingabout killing myself. She yelled at me how thats nit funny and when my dad got home from work she told him and he slapped me and i was grounded for 6 months(it was only 2 months but i kept talking back so it got reved upto 6) since then i have tried muliply times tell them but they always send me out of the room b4 i actually say it…
I’ve been five times. I know how hospitals work. If she insists on the hospital I will go willingly so I can withdraw within 72 hours. It isn’t going to help me now. Option 3 is getting more and more dangerous, so I hhaaaaveee to figure out option 2. I am scared of telling my doctor because i have never stated the entirety of my problems out loud.
teengirl17 I am so sorry they aren’t listening, But don’t give up on support. Reach out. Talk to your school counselor and your friends. if you get in a bad situation call a hotline. god knows i’ve been on them. you can get through this, you just have to not let yourself get secluded
I hate hospitals too but thats just cuz im wierd…long story…i eouuldnt count on option 3 it way too dangerous…
:/ Sorry to hear that tg17…. I mean you can try a more serious, sit-down approach and really show them you are serious and are seeking help/support…
Good idea to go willingly so you can leave within 72 hours. Oh option 3….
@ sparkeyes: thanks for the advice im just so scared youknow? Its like im completly on my own with this…
i don’t hate them per say. i think they are really important in certain situations. just not this one. option three is invasive. i can’t get suicide out of my mind and it’s just taking over
i completely understand you being scared. but trust me once you aren’t alone anymore, you will feel so much better. they will help take it off of your hands and you will be so relieved. just be prepared for them to take action and get you set up with doctors and stuff like that. I was scared too when i first came out with my cutting, and when i first decided i couldn’t live, and every time i have to tell my story fresh. it;s scary
hey everyone
That’s kinda cool i guess. But usually people don’t die at mental hospitals. It’s the whole point of making it nearly impossible. but i understand, lots of people hate hospitals
Yeah thanks for understanding:)
Yea you should really try to get your parents to understand how bad you feel TG17. Although on top of being scared of how they might react you probably feel like you don’t want to burden them with this. Since I think you said in another post that they are going through some pretty rough times also. You said your dad was out of work because of carbon monoxide poisoning I think. Also that you didn’t feel like your parents had much time for your issues when you have 3 younger siblings.
lol no big deal. are you going to talk to your school counselor? i really think it’ll help
AS long as you are alive there is still time to make who you are count. Good to see you back Spark. You all need to know that pain is a choice. Your choice. My choice. I think if pain is a choice then so is joy, love, maybe even hope. You guys are kids. I am 53. How long you want to drag this baggage around? I come here when i feel like I want to finish things. I feel at home here because you all understand the pain. You feel it too. I am so tired. i haven’t slept much for a few days. but it is like Hamlet, at least here i know what I face. If I die whats on the other side? What if this is the good side and the other is worse? What if you can”t take it back. Can’t take it back because you are just dead…. I understand how you feel. Just got all my meds refilled this time i got plenty. But what if it is worse?
Yeah its pretty hard, they r really stressed out right know…i know i really need to make them understand but im just worried that theyll either blame themselves completly or blame me complely(which to be honest is probably more likely) …im going to college next yr so im thinking i mught just tough it out till i move out..i think telling them over the phone will be slightly easier…it doesnt really help that my dad diesnt really believe in depression,he thinks its just a way for attention and since im the oldest thats what they always play it off as
Sorry that last response was to whatamidoinghere
Thanks for the welcome back. Taking the walk and getting the milkshake helped for a while, which is better than nothing. i still ended up cutting again, but so goes my life right now. i don’t believe there is anything after death, and I am not at a point in my life where i find it particularly difficult to die. I just don’t want to hurt my mom. I just wish the pain would go away and the goddamn impulses
Dont we all
Well hopefully you will enjoy college more then high school, It can be a much different atmosphere. Maybe just the change of scenery, getting out of the house and being on your own will cheer you up some.
hell none of us want to believe there is anything after death. Don’t want to believe in Cancer, or screwing up killing myself and spending the next 20 years staring at a ceiling because I didn’t quite get it right and I get locked in a body that doesn’t work anymore but didn’t check out either.
@Vox actually I would love to be able to believe there was something more after death. I think most people do. Pretty much every religion has some type of after life generally as a reward for living this life well. For me one of the things that makes this existence seem so pointless and depressing is knowing no matter what I do its all going to end in to short a time anyway. So why bother doing anything.
@WhatAmIDoingHere… You said “So why bother doing anything.” and I’ve been there before… and sometimes still wind up there. Life isn’t usually that short… and the time can be more palatable if you’re doing something productive, educational, fulfilling, or otherwise motivating. Understand that I still struggle with this… but I know, at least logically, that keeping busy helps against being depressed.
My religious views on what happens after death are a little different… but I have to focus on the before-death if I’m going to have a chance at a satisfying life.
@distant.road
I hear what you are saying. Its just hard to find the motivation to even get started on things. If I know I am just keeping busy to try to distract myself from being depressed, well then that in itself is depressing lol
A condition of body and mind which typically recurs for several hours every night, in which the nervous system is inactive, the eyes closed, the postural muscles relaxed, and consciousness practically suspended.
I hope that answers your question. Thanks.
I wish I could experience more of the circumstance which Duke of Marmalade described. One day, perhaps.