If this helps anyone, (warning: long and deep)

 

I just feel like writing, it really helps me.

sry this is gunna be all over the place\:

I like to try and think rationally, and honestly. I finally have been honest with myself, and its the best thing that has ever happened to me. Until now, I have been in denial with the stigma of my ‘disorders’ /issues. ( selective mutism, socialphobia, anxieties,  borderline agoraphobia, depression, mild OCD (some of these are self diagnosed)as well as feelings of suicidal ideation, lonliness, social awkwardness, isolation,…and more..

I didn’t want to accept having most of these issues, I literallyy wanted to invent a time machine so I could go back in time and ‘fix’ everything and do it ‘right’until now when I finally cracked and said screw it, It is what it is. Let nature take its course. “what can you do? ” i stopped letting it screw me over.

This is a very  hard thing to do but please don’t take anything too seriously, its not like you were given real instructions on how to respond/ac/live your life.

Perhaps you only live once (although no one knows forsure) Good, or bad, maybe once is just enough.

(warning, read at your own risk,…) 😛

Life is relatively, depending on how you perceive it, very short. Life is also pretty funny, so laugh alot, please, you owe it to yourself. Make fun of life, please try it it helps.

As you have heard many times before, we don’t know why were here

The facts: My laws of ‘fun’: 

Most ‘fun’ ,interesting or ‘stimulating’ , pleasurable or ‘good’ things in life include/are either;

1.illegal due to obvious reasons

 

2 very limited (time flies fast when your having fun)( for every fun time, another species of animal goes extinct)

 

3.rude/ or unfair (fred got pleasure from hitting/calling  his little sister names, and she didn’t like it)

4. come with consequences/ side effects: health andSAFETY  limit fun so thin you can almost see right through it.

5 NOT actually THAT fun or as fun as it could be (since there is a limited amount of room in life for fun, there can never be too much.)

6 fun makes you feel selfish( well to me it does)

7.fun costs money (WOOOT??? YOU DONT SAY!>?)

 

Life doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, and I believe it is not supposed to make much sense. Don’t hurt yourself like I did thinking to hard about it. Just let it be.

Don’t take anything personal, its just simply silly, for obvious reasons.

believe it or not, you cannot control what people say.

stop decoding ever little word people say, it is non sense, a waste of time , but most of all it doesn’t matter.

Stop trying to make things happen, if its forced, its not true to  nature.

If its not working, its probably not going to happeen.

I believe that there has to be an ultimate truth. An ultimate cause of this obis.

Perspective: (if insignificance comforts you)…then here:

Conspiracy: (inspired from www.truthism.com) There is no question that We as human beings are controlled, we most likely are slaves. We are born into pre-chosen selections that we can’t really change . We are controlled right from birth. We are told “right from wrong”. We are told ‘facts’ by the rulers (authority figures who are most likely alien shapeshifters) who have ever so deeply brainwashed us from seeing the truth.

You as a programmed human are at this very moment denying all of this as the aliens have programmed you to do.( I don’t mean to be condescending, just helping you discover what just might be close to the truth)

In my opinion, I think no one’s truly satisfied with their life, and they never will be. That is just the way things are. You really have little to no control over what happens to you or any one around you. You didnt choose your appearence, your personality, intellect, thinking style.

key to life: think you’re the only one in your unique life scenario?

There are 7 billion people on just this earth right now…

can you even fathom one million people?

Not to mention that people have been around for millions of years, each with a unique combination of races, personality traits, fingerprints, dreams, thoughts, fears, disabilities, handicaps, diseases, illnesses, misfortunes. You don’t even need prove to realise that millions of people have been through perhaps even the  Exact situation/ struggles as you.It all is cliche, but it needs to be reinforced because  people including me have a hard time accepting the realities. It is all we can do to cope with it.

Life is not the least bit fair, so like a strong current, stop fighting it and just go with the flow.  Life is a NOT big negotiator, it is gonna be what it wants to be. You don’t have to think to hard to see that It is ridiculously funny and pathetic how we compete against each other when we physically can’t be equal. This is I think it is utterly pointless to compare any given two individuals, no matter how similar they are. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have fun and have a little competition (which is human nature) but we are taking it way too seriously that it leads to things from bullying to war, rasism,  to murder, genicide to suicide. Lets say youre left handed, lets say You were turned into a slave because of it..Now, try to make your right hand dominant…

pretty tricky huhÉ if not impossible…theres nothing you  can do about it

the same goes if you are  black, white, yellow, grey, blue! ,  how about if you are mentally challanged… the facts still remain the same. See how unfair it isÉ, try to accept it for what it is.

Iam a very paranoid person, and this is what i have to realise:

You absolutely, positively, no matter how hard you try, cannot be anyone but yourself, this only means you can only do the best you can physically do. By this note: it is true that no one can truly understand your point of view. I believe we are all perfect :souls: ,that have been assigned a physical humans with different needs.(just a hunch)  Fact: people are judging you right now, they are thinking thoughts about you, but guess whatÉ NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENDS. People usually only have you on there minds more a few seconds. The whole world is not watching you, honestly in relation to the population, no one really knows you exist. If someone doesnèt like you for a stupid reason, then they must not be a good judge of charactor, you dont need to know them. Stop trying so damn hard for something that will never come, live in not the past, not the future, but the NOW, the NOW you will never, in this world please everyone, I canèt state this enough. Stop looking at people as a WHOLE, and start looking at them as Individuals,  they are not all one big brain, looking at you, they are  quite frankly, far more concerned with their own self. There are always going to be things that you will never know about some one. Some one who you, are convinced has it all figured out, or someone who you automatically judge without knowing their whole story. Even your best friend.

since nothing was ‘designed’ perfect, nothing can be perfect.

*SIGH*

Mistakes WILL happen, 

people will die, it will rain,

the happiest man will cry.

The sun cannot shine everyday.

Everybody hurts.

Each and everyone of us are looking for one thing: to be acknowledged

The thief will do good.

even monkeys fall out of trees.

A gun gives you the body, not the bird.

The silent one may have to most to say.

The weakest person will turn out to be the strongest.

Difficult times add charactor, .so do wrinkles.

Question everything.  Be brutally honest. Tell it like it is. When they ask; dont lie about liking your friends awkwaRD haircut or moms spaghetti, but think of why they asked.

They asked you told em.

Once you start seeing things for what they actually are, you will truly live.

.if you accept that, you are on your way to a carefree life.

I hope this makes you feel the least bit better about yourself 🙂

One more thing,

 

nothing is ever as bad as it may seem,

on the same note, nothing is ever as good as it may seem.