possible bipolar?

THis is, like all my other posts, gunna be long and messy,I have a  hunch that I may be bipolar but I’ve been denying it. I am almost 18. I can quickly change from being really zombie-like- to five alive.

Suicidal/hopeless to an hour later acts like nothing ever happened and I am good again.

I get these very  short burst of what seems to me like mild Euphoria,some what  manic-like? where it feels like I can do anytrhing, i feel confident for once and I always laugh super easilyand sometimes unnessesarily (because of my weird sense of humor) but then it dissipates and then I get very anxious and depressed.  I usuallyam not depressed but I get lots of spirts of saddness. I can go from being mute,(i had selective m,ustism all through school till i dropped out to screaming loud and obnoxious and hyper(when I am comfortable in my atmosphere) where people are stimulated I get bored really easily, which sets off my depression. One way i get bored is when i can’t get something and everyone else can so easily, like sports for instance, I don’t know how people can even stand them. I find them a huge waste of time and are super boring., maybe because I’ve never been good let alone decent at any, as I am super physically awkward, i have terrible hand writing no matter how hard I try. I try my best to stay organized, i hate loosing things i like to know where all my stuff is, but I STILL missplace things.

I  have this weird relationship with time, i am obseessed with looking at the clock  and making predictions . I fear losing time.My heart is always racing, I am nearly alwyas anxious for usually no rational reason. :(   I have been diagnosed with AD(H) (primarily inattentive/ a bit impulsive (I do things quickly , answering questions, saying first thing that pops into my mind, sometimes without thinking, and regretting it later, hard time learning from mistakes.) which I’ve read about how it can be mistaken for bipolar because bipolars tend to get easily distracted. Right now I am feeling some what manic (or at least better from what I usually feel) I don’t know if its from the concerta for my add,( i have been taking it for about 6 months) which usually makes me feel super good for 30mins or so, then super anxious :S I am currently on prozac for anxiety,( i have social phobia , pretty much my whole life, and i think it might be more like avpd. I dont think its doing much for anxiety but I do feel happier and more stable idk if its the placebo effect or what.I just feel like I am two people, how I am always contradicting myself,  I can be an extreme procrastinator but also I like to get things done right away. I HAVE to have closure. I am fairly  paranoid like peo ple know things about me and are mind reading me. I have huge difficulties making decisions  and focusing and prioritizing I am always changing my mind and i get easily overwhelmed. I am a bit of a slow learner, I have a differnt learning style that i await to be recognized. I do think i am actually a genious, i am amazed by the way i think sometimes, but i can’t descrbe it.I have always had sleep troubles, troubles falling asleep, waking up in the night, and being super hard to get up in the morning.  I am a fairly picky eater but I like alot of unique foods.I don’t eat alot, this is probably hy i have little enegrgy, but i can get excited really easily. making it seem like im stimulateed. WHenever i sit up rom lying down , I get super dizzy for a second.

My RESTING heart rate is literally around 90-115, probably due to my constant anxiety, i have always had racing thoughts. I am extremely sensitive, I cry very easily, even if i dont feel like i  i should.I am around 112 pound and i am no where near fat, but I am not exactly active ,up until recently.I have a huge background story that you might want to read. I don’t know what I have, Like I have said countless numbers of times, I do  know I am different. I honestly prefer to be alone, but i do get lonely, even with people. I have big anxiety, I have been through alot. Well thats the best i could explain it.I should be working but i always make my way back onto this site because I feel its the bigger priority.  No one really understands, i wish i could explain better. I am not currently suicidal, i do have thoughts of it but not serious ones. But there’s no doubt i will be suicidal again, this life is alot for a insignificant girl to handle. I guess we get what we get.

Anyway thanks for reading .