every fucking little thing i do is completely wrong in every way in every eye. i hold it all in during the day but when i come home i blow up on whoever and i hate myself and everyone and sometimes like now i probably sound illiterate. i hurt myself. if not physically, i abuse my mind. i almost think i love the pain but i want to die and no one believes me. my mom expects me to deal with it myself and won’t take me to a doctor because she “doesn’t want to seem like a bad parent” yeah fuck you too ***** sometimes i wish you aborted me so i wouldn’t be hating everything about myself and everyone else. i’m a nice person and i want other people to be happy and i try to laugh and smile but it’s all a lie because i want to die.
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2 comments
Maybe you need to let it out somehow? I know that when I hide behind the impression things are okay I get mad no one notices and also they continue to think that they can walk all over me. Maybe the mask needs to come off.
I’m assuming your still in school, forgive me if I’m wrong, but have you tried a counsellor? The things between you and the counsellor should remain confidential, and if the counsellor thinks your require specialist attention, they can help you get it – but i guess this depends where your from.
When my parents found out I was self harming, they wouldn’t take me to a pyschatrist because ‘no-one wants a fucked up kid’, So i can relate to your situation.