Please accuse the horrile grammer. For as long as i can remeber ive been alone. im only child and my parents just dont get me. ive alwyas had a close niche group of friends but now ive lost them all. My closest one who ive known since 6th grade no longer wants to have anything to do with me. My guy friends went and became sucessful so i got left in the dust. The girl i like deep down hates me but acts like my friend because i have money and can be occasionally usefull. I just dont want to feel alone and i gave up everything for this girl and she just hates me so much. I know my problems sound so petty but i just dont want to be alone anymore and i keep thinking about suicide and i already have it all palnned. Its just everytime  i get excited my world gets destroyed. I dont want to be alone anymore but it seems like that will never happen. I just wish i could be myself but when i am i lose everything. People always say im to clingy or emotional but the only reason i am is because im used and thrown away so often i just dont know how to act.
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ur not alone remember that..i have to remind myself that sometimes if you feel unhappy or just need to rant privately email me at lol.wallace@hotmail.com i would be very happy to listen and give advice if you need it.
Look, suicide should be your last option. I’ve contemplated suicide many times myself, but I always find a reason deep within to not do it. When I was in 7th, I was happy, even if I only had few friends. But then I got sweet on a girl, and she refused me. From then on, I just because ice-cold, which seems to work for me. You said you get thrown away often. Before you throw yourself away, reconsider and clear your thoughts. If you’re very unsure, walk away from the situation.
Allow me to preface this post with an apology for the long response. Your situation struck a nerve with me, so I wanted to make sure that I was thorough in my advice.
I have been in a similar state of mind as you. Even now – years later – I’m still bitter about the experience.
The advice that I give you may appear daunting and unrealistic, but I hope that you’ll hear me out regardless. I assure you that it’s necessary.
From the information you’ve given, the adjective that comes to mind in describing you is ‘servile’. You lack confidence, you lack self-respect, and you lack conviction in choosing your own path; your own identity.
The relationship you have with the girl you mention is a toxic one; a poisonous partnership that will eat away at you until there’s nothing left. I may sound excessively cut-throat here, but I’m not exaggerating when I say that she has to go. Even if you improve as a person, she will always carry with her negative associations – memories that will jeopardise your mental state – and she herself will not change. If she corrupts you now, she will attempt to corrupt you always. With 7 billion people on this planet, she is not worth risking your life over.
The primary cause of your harmful social dynamic is that you lack boundaries – parameters that are reflective of your values and serve your interests; parameters that you will never defy in an attempt to please someone else.
You’re a social chameleon – a creature born from insecurity; you would rip away any last ounce of dignity to please others if you determined it necessary. Setting concrete limits and boundaries will help solidify an identity that you’re comfortable with; that you have faith in. I can’t stress this point enough. Find yourself – know yourself – and you will be able to internalise a comfort zone. When others reject you, you will find safety in the knowledge that you did not betray who you are for those who don’t accept you as you are.
So ask yourself: Who are you? What do you respect about yourself? What would you change about yourself? What selfish traits can you develop that will protect you? What selfless traits do you possess that harm you?
Once you work out some of those boundaries and begin to develop a personality based on morals, values and role-models that you look up to, your confidence will swell. You’ll trust your judgement, and you won’t become so dependent on others for affirmation (or lack thereof) of your value.
In social situations, it’s of utmost importance that you value your identity above any connection that you have with friends or strangers. That might sound narcissistic, but it is a universal truth for all who seek healthy relationships. You need to have enough confidence in yourself to perceive a rejection as a greater loss for the other party than it is for you.
It’s the common though-process that all who have rejected you in the past subscribe to : “Well, if they don’t like who I am, that’s their loss”.
I know you don’t want to hear it, but you need to be prepared to lose broken friendships if you ever want to find and hold onto promising ones. The “friends” you have now are not real friends; your connection with them is built on your weaknesses, not your strengths.
Another critical deficiency that I suspect you suffer from is a lack of appreciation for pride. Do not brush off pride as a purely degenerative trait. There is a reason that we all have it – the nature of evolution would not have allowed us an emotion that did not serve some purpose. Pride is an extremely valuable psychological apparatus. It can help you determine when and where you’re at risk of compromising your dignity and self-respect. If you ever feel that uneasy tension in your gut that may suggest a compromising situation that would adversely affect you or your dignity, you need to respond for your own sake.
Stand tall, shoulders broad and head held high. Believe that you can be respected; that you should be respected. Demand respect. Find yourself and learn to fight for yourself. Be prepared to die for your honour, not your failures. You will eventually begin to attract others as you develop an aura of confidence and courage. As you reveal who you really are, you will give others a chance to like the real you.