Hmm

My name is Mark. I guess i’m what you would call, a junkie. I seem to be a pretty normal person. I have two jobs, the whole college thing did not work out for me. I find it somewhat amusing that all my friends and family see the person that they see. I like to think of myself as a person who is on permanent auto pilot. My body just kinda does its thing, i say and do things that i dont really mean without even thinking about it. People think im a pretty normal guy. Ive had relationships. I dont think im a worthless person. But what these people dont know is that I am whatcha call a heroin addict. I havnt smoked the black in almost a year now, but every day i still struggle with it. Anyway I tried to overdose once, and call me crazy but i think i died that day. I got this strong feeling of pleasure, so great that i forgot about everything in my life, and then…i started to panic, i wanted to die, but i guess it was just the body natural resopnse. shortly after, there was nothing. not taste touch smell sound sight. not a single thought in my head. In fact, there wasnt a me anymore. just gone…then there was sound, sound of my associate Charlie yelling at me to breathe. I was in a hospital, and my breathing had stopped and so did my heart. It is odd that i am still alive now….odd..not happy. I was sure that I was to be a dead man.  The messed up part is, I’m sober now, and sometimes i still want to end my life. The real world sickens me. But i’m not really sure why. Things are so bright outside it hurts my eyes, and I find all of the happy people with nice lives to be so annoying. People are so blind to the real world. I sometimes think that Im the normal one and everyone else is in idiot Junkie. But that would be to perfect for me. I dont think I am better than anyone, I just think that everyone can see the same things I do. Sometimes i want to start up again. But in order to fool these people into thinking im okay I have to stay clean. I feel afraid often. Cause I feel as though im planning something. But i’m not quite sure what it is. But the thought of taking my own life still seems like a good idea. I don’t know..Whatever