I dont know

I really dont know what i expect …. all i have ever wanted wa someone to care for me and truly love me and have been tryine very hard to make that happen all my life…..if i was only good enough or next year things will be better……i have failed at everything important in life nmainly raising my kids….oh my i love them more than anything ever in life and have done a miserable job……my mother was a good mom and took as good a care of me as she could when i was young but she never really loved me and i dont wish to trash my mom here its contradictory i realize but she was a good mom i was just never good enough…..i have always been very fat and tall too……tried everything and still fat…yes i worked out at one point every day i did i used to alternate weights and aerobics……kids used to kick me and spit on me when i was young how do you ward that off…you dont you cant you just try to be invisible…pretty much the rest of my life has been the same except my kids and babies come to you so sweet and innocent and they depend on you for everything….that i screwed up also…..workin on my youngest now…and husbands/boyfriends…..man if i could ever fine one thta njust loved me and was commited to having a life and putting into a relationship instead of just taking….anyway blah blah who cares…guess i am…i don even knoiw…