i dont know what to do

i have not felt like myself for a long time and at this point i have lost all the life in me. i pretend to be happy and carefree like he person i was, but i don;t think i can ever get that person back. i don’t know what happened to me. i don’t even know whats going on. none of my friends would ever understand and to be honest i guess im just blaming the minor flaws in my life for something else. i know theres some bigger problem going on, but how willl i ever know what that is. right when i have ever started feeling normal again some other complication arises and takes its toll on me. i don’t think i have much fight left in me. i just want to feel normal for once.