I have been fucked over by friends all my life. So i became very jaded and i am now very reserved and don’t care much for people at all.
But that all changed when i began uni. I was thrust into a big group of girls that have all treated me so unbelievably wonderful. I have prepared for them turning on me. But it hasn’t happened yet.
I am so insecure. I am going out with them and a few others from my classes tomorrow and i am terrified.
The last friend i had told me she couldn’t put up with me anymore because i didn’t share enough and she never knew what i was thinking.
I didn’t really care at the time but now i don’t know how to act.
I have started to blurt things about myself or my thoughts out very abruptly. It makes me feel stupid. But i feel like i don’t have any control.
But sharing things isn’t who i am. I don’t like talking about myself.
I am worried that if i drink (even a little) that i won’t be able to control myself and i’ll start blurting things out (which is weird because i never do that, no matter how drunk i am).
I need advice other than, just don’t drink.
16 comments
Find some other friends, because your “friends” sounds like bitches.
Secondly are u from suffering tourette’s??? I ask because ur uncontrolable outbursts sound like it
First off – don’t share anything you don’t want the whole world to know … then only share stuff that is relevant to the current discussion … think before you speak. but relax. don’t belittle any of the other girls for their choices – Example: girl 1 says “I love red roses” … you hate them … but instead of saying “I hate red roses”, instead simply say “I prefer pink carnations” … they don’t have a need to know your deepest darkest secrets or your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. and whatever you do – don’t lie. but don’t trust them with anything huge either … all info about “how you tick’ should be on a need to know basis – that’s not to say not to trust them at all … just not big sensitive stuff … at least until they’ve proven themselves trustworthy.
good luck – have fun 🙂
flower dawg
No i just mean that i am really nervous and feel like i should act better and oblige what my old friend said to me when we were parting.
I feel like if im not more open then i will lose these friends like i lost all of my others.
Maybe i wasn’t clear enough.
The friends i have now are nice. I just feel uneasy as i don’t know how to act around them. I’m not good with people.
The bitchy friends have all gone out of my life. And i am glad. However what they said to me seems to have stuck.
Does that make more sense?
Why do you allow others to dictate how you’re supposed to behave. If we were friends, I would expect you to act in a way that is comfortable to you and share whatever feels good sharing. When people place conditions on you, it imprisons you if you allow it to.
You’ve been fucked over cause you haven’t learned how not be fucked over…that’s not criticism, that’s encouragement saying literally grow a back bone. You’re the most important person…the horse pulls the cart, and at this point you’re allowing your so called friends…the cart to pull you the horse. You face your fears by moving towards them cause in fact you’ll experience there’s nothing to fear at all…you’ll understand the parts of you, you’re avoiding and not getting in touch with. If you don’t want to share something tell her to f-off. As long as I have myself as my own best friend, I need no one. People who truly want the best for you, care about you and allow you to be you…so be one of those people for yourself. Good luck…Cheers!
… and do NOT talk bad or lie about your ex-friend … you never know who might be friends with that person.
Thanks Dawg. I am usually very reserved and not telling anyone anything is pretty involuntary.
I guess i need to teach myself how to be like that again, as i prefer and like that about myself.
Thanks for the advice.
Yeah i’m not like that anyway. So it’s all good.
If i don’t like someone the first person to know is that person. If i decide to tell them that is.
Being socially awkward is a subject that I dealt with but that now in the past. The best advise is probably you have heard time and time again: its just be yourself. Trying to act like the cool kid on the crowd/group take way too much time & energy.
Please just be U. That all we can be.
I wish u well
most interactions with people are about trivial things anyway … simply be interactive … but reactive … no one like to say something and not have someone respond … so like my “flowers” analogy/example … if someone talks about flowers … either share your like/dislikes (nicely) or ask questions about theirs … asking trivial questions is always good because most people love to talk and it avoids you having to volunteer information 🙂
just whatever you do, always try to remain calm and relaxed no matter what is going on … body language and facial expressions can sometimes speak louder than our voice.
speaker dawg
Thanks guys. I guess the fact that i am doing this uncontrollably is the most disappointing part.
I like my personality and i don’t want it to be changed, so i will try harder to be aware of what i am saying.
Thanks for the advice.
i seem to be like and not like u when im with my family im incredibly reserved locked in my room with friends i dont give fuck what i say i just say anything thats on my mind but that did bite me in the ass cuz no one cared clarity is right just be U if u say something irrelevant and they dont understand just apologize and change the subjet and forget it.
-good luck!
Its great that you have nice friends. Theresno need to feel pressurethat you’ll ‘fuck it up’ because it sounds like they really like you for who you are. It’s also great that you are honoring what your ex friend told you. This shows great maturity and self reflection on your part. Regarding the random blurting out of things, maybe this is just because you forgot how to relate to people and hopefully it will dissipate as you become more socially comfortable. In the meantime if it happens again, just relieve the tension withhumour. Say something like ‘Sorry I couldn’t contain myself I just had to let you know.’ there are few awkward situations which can’t be relieved by good self depricating humour.
I agree, i just need to re-teach myself how to act around people socially.
I have always had the moto of if they don’t like who i am they can fuck off. I need to embrace that again.
Thanks one_day, your comment gave me heaps of clarity 🙂
That’s cool. Don’t stress You’ll be fine. You already are.
Although no one might see this just updating you all to tell you that i had a great night out and felt silly for worrying afterwards! Haha.
I didn’t say anything stupid, drank and still made everyone laugh.
Made some new friends so i am happy 🙂
Thanks for all your advice guys! It was much appreciated!
Hooray 😀 😀 😀