I dont even have the energy to write in this. But I have to get this out.
This past year Ive lost myself and my mind.
Ive been diagnosed with PTSD and my mind feels like it is splitting into a multiple personality
I have nothing but dreams of demons trying to take me over and its to the point I dont sleep anymore.
I dont take my medicine. I dont want to be emotionless. I want to feel.
Nobody loves me. Nobody cares. It hurts and Im glad I feel something but this pain in unbearable.
I can no longer go on in this world. I am ready to move on. To go away. To die. To never look back. To truly start over, move forward in my plain of existence. Ive ruined so much in my life because of this fucking disorder and now Im running my family to be completely broke with my medical bills and prescriptions and therapy. Nothing helps.
I am going to cheef down 5 hard bowls fast and just sit there until Im ready. And when I am I will take a gun to my head. Easy. Quick. Painless. Complete. I wont have to worry about anything. I wont have to think anymore. My soul will float on free, at last. I can love and be loved. Move on and experience the life I am supposed to experience. I am ready for this. I can no longer function in this body. I have to free myself now.
2 comments
Please email me at xdfmorris12x@aol.com I wish to help and talk with you
It sounds like you are being tortured by your own mind. I knew someone like that once. Not a pleasant way to live your life from what I understand. Given your situation I dont think it’s unnatural to want to off yourself. On the contrary it seems perfectly normal. Just keep in mind that no one knows what lies beyond death. You may get recycled and put back on this planet. Maybe not. Maybe what comes after is bliss, maybe it’s mind boggling horrible, maybe nothing at all comes after.
Also, not trying to be unsympathetic but I’d give anything not to feel. Your medication sounds like a dream come true to me.