Being alone is the worst. Its when no one is there to remind you that you are loved and the only company you have is yourself and your thoughts. This is when you remind yourself that you are worthless and that you just want to disappear from this world and this life all together. You never cut yourself or burn yourself or hurt yourself when you are with others. It is always when you are alone. The worst part of being alone is that there is no one to tell you that things will get better and there is no one to have hope for you and your future when you need it the most. When you are alone is when your demons come out to play and torment you until what ever method has previously crossed your mind seems like a really… really good idea. To be frank, I don’t want to be mourned, I don’t want to be remembered, and I don’t even want a funeral… I just want to disappear. If you are alone tonight, like I am, and you need someone to talk to, like I do, please comment. I don’t want to do this to the people that I love, however if left alone, I am afraid that I will.
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23 comments
i know how you feel. stay strong.
I want those same things. I wrote my eulogy and funeral arrangements long ago…just exactly how I’d want it. Pretty much like a fuck you, stop crying like you cared because you didn’t give a shit. Anyway, I have people around me, but I am so alone. Weird how that sounds, but I’m sure you understand.
I’m not sure if knowi.g that some worthless pile of flesh in Seattleis also alone will mean anything to you, but here I am.Alone too.
Yes, I understand. I surround myself with people to try to fill the void but none of them actually care about what happens to me, and my supposedly “best friend” is now going around saying that I do not work hard enough to get better.
Yea, like we have a choice. Well maybe it would help if your bff would stop making it worse by saying to others that you choose to be like this. So I’m assuming others know, they just ignore?
Not all of them know the full extent of it… but a few do, but its not that they ignore my problems, instead these people (whom I have trusted and have confided in) are now just ignoring me… abandoning me, if you will.
Same here. Problem is some of them have been told what’s going on, but if they ask me how’s it going, I say oh I’m fine. They’re ok with that I guess. They all have their own lives and I don’t think I’m ever much of a thought in their minds. So I stopped reaching out to anyone in my family or close by. I would also call it abandoning….
@me in Seattle -join in…how is it going?
A hanging from the brdge seems like a great idea at the moment…. for me.
I have been ignored before and it sucks :-/
Idea for the moment…that will change. So no hanging…today. I’m ignored everyday of my life. Yes, it SUCKS bad.
I always thought to perform a science experiment with what the good Dr. has given me to feel better. Unfortunately for me its not just at the moment, it is every single waking day of my life and the method changes with my day. From a science experiment when I am at home to a horrific car crash when I am driving on the interstate. I am ALWAYS thinking about it.
Wow I wondered if I was the only one who did that… I imagine my death multiple times a day… Car crash, random shooting, freak accidents when im not doing that Im contemplating different methods of suicide. We may all be physically alone but after one day on this site i am seeing we arent alone completely. I dont know you but i feel your pain and relate to everything you said! Im hanging on until tomorrow, thats all I can promise but im holding on. Hang on with me, you arent alone
I do it all the time. Especially when the subway is about to turn into the station, it always takes all I can give to not give in and jump.
I am the same… Especially at work, I work driving around in a company vehicle… I constantly get thoughts of driving off a cliff (too bad we dont have any) or something like hanging myself from a telephone pole…..
I have had this obsession with death since I was very small.. Its never been scary to me. Its odd how death can take hold of your mind and almost hold you captive. Living in pursuit of death is no way to live but I have yet to shake it
I actually start to get a panic attack when I do that in my car. I drive an hour and a half one way. I think man I could just drive off right here and that would be it. I wouldn’t hurt anyone else. Just kill me. You’re right, it takes a lot not to do it. I just don’t want to do that and survive.
What really scares me is that these thoughts have become more frequent over this past year, and now I cannot get it off my mind. I think it makes me more depressed and angry towards myself because I am a failure, I am not getting better but worse. I remember not feeling like this and believing that I had a future. That has been taken away from me and no amount of talk therapy or medication will make me the same person.
I feel the same way and not sure what to do with it. Its like the person you were is Already dead and you are left with an empty shell of who you were. All thats left is the pain regret anger and disappointments. We are still here, we havent given in to the nagging and life controlling thoughts but where do we go from here? How do you start living for life and not death again….
The thoughts do get more frequent and more desperate in some cases. We turn in on ourselves. Beat ourselves up. Exactly right exhausted24.
The thing is, I have been fighting this for seven years. And I am exhausted of fighting and surviving, to get back up only to know that in a matter of moments I will be kicked back down again. It has left me a very isolated and bitter person. I just cannot do this anymore. Something has got to give, either I have to miraculously wake up feeling better, or I will die (either from some stress related illness, or by my own hand). What I have or what I have become is chronic and unless it changes for the better soon, it will kill me.
Suicide is looked at as being selfish and a cop out… People dont understand that you have already died on the inside. That theres nothing left of yourself. That your a stranger even to yourself. Suicide isnt killing yourself, its killing your body after your soul has already died. I cant tell you not to end your suffering but I will say I hope you can beat this. I hope we all can beat this. There are people just like us everywhere… If we can find a way to overcome and find hope again we can help so many others who are drowning in depression!
This is exactly how I feel every single day. Especially at night when I can’t sleep and I just think about how alone I am. It really is the worst. I wake up alone then stay awake alone until I go to sleep alone. It repeats. It’s such an awful routine.
i no exactly how u feel, the only thing that has stopped me is the thought of leaving my younger sister/best friend