My first post to this website was April 2009. Since then a few times each year I have found myself back here.
For a bit of background. I had a good childhood, I wasn’t abused (taken advantage of maybe, but nothing compared to others), I haven’t had any major traumas or losses in my life. Really, I had a really blessed growing up.
I came to the site originally about small petty issues, things that shouldn’t have bothered me at all. But in my eyes it seemed like being suffocated. Like a physical pain, until numbness. I haven’t decided what is worse yet, feeling pain or being numb.
So you see, I have no real reason to have kept coming back. Or feeling the way I do. I don’t see a real reason to life most of the time. I’ve finally decided its time to change something. I’m not here to kill myself, I’m here because I need to get better. It’s never an approach I have really given thought too. This isn’t something I can ever imagine sharing with someone through conversation, if there is no reason for these feelings (or lack of feelings) then how can I ask someone for help- what are they supposed to fix?
This is my form of a ‘cry for help’. Who is supposed to give you help when you don’t know what to fix?
3 comments
Feeling pain is better than feeling numb because at least youu feel something.
Not to belittle how you feel cause I believe, for sure. You seem in a fairly balanced place…what if nothing is wrong & you’re simply trying to figure out something that is really not a problem.
To me there is no worst case scenario…I intend on feeling good, and I practice that mantra or saying. Cause when you’re feeling good….what else is there to say. So it’s a matter of making a choice. The fact that you’re feeling what you are right now is a jumping off place into a better feeling if you want to move into that direction. But that’s up to you. When a problem comes up, we think we have to wrestle it to the ground & kill it….lol, the trick is to go the other day, by the way you consciously focus your mind through your intent positively. It’s a muscle you practice every day…and have fun with it. We, including myself take ourselves too seriously and can make the choice to let go, free our thoughts & minds up & feel, & experience freedom. Good luck to you!
Maybe you should find a hobbie? Maybe you just have too much time on your hands to thnk about things? You did mention pain though? have you seen a doctor? Sometimes depression can come from some underlying medical condition. Sometimes I feel like that. Then I paint, or listen to music, or read Shakespeare.