I’m so tired. I don’t want to do this any more.
It’s all so much work.
Everyone tells me to just make an effort..
I have. I’ve made friends, taken care of family,
Got a job, a house, a car. I’ve gone to parties and
Tried to get a girl. I try to pay my bills. I try to
Have a life.
But they only say, “try harder.”
I’m tired of trying.
There come a point when the energy used to
Accomplish a goal out weighs the reward.
It’s not worth it any more.
I just got some great news yesterday!
It turns out that my family won’t enharit my debit
As I had thought they would. I’m bummed that I still have undure work for, at least, three more checks.. but I still want to pay off my personal
debits..
I calculate that my suicide will cost me $60, give or
take.. the only thing that concerns me is that is that much more I need to save for.. that much more work I must endure.
That’s six more weeks…
I don’t know how I’m going to survive..
I’ve been breaking under the stress more and
more lately.. I actually walked out on work the
other day.. I still don’t know why.. I just couldn’t
Do it anymore.. I’ve tried faking it, and it worked for a while.. but it’s just become so hard..
How can I carry on untill it’s time to go?
3 comments
I ask the same question myself. Just remember, you’re only shedding your physical body & you will transition to another reality…so it’s best when you’re in a positive state of being. There is no death & the experience of transitioning is one of entering into full connection with yourself in the non-physical. Hope that makes some sense for you. Good luck!
All I can say is hang in there, things change, given time. Put one foot in front of another and do the next right thing.
Hey SoftSoul I asked about you a few days ago, glad to see your post, it gives me a good feeling inside to know that its okay either way.
@ Sooftsoul,
I really hope your wrong about that. If I where the kind of person
Who prayed, I’d pray for oblivion. I couldn’t immagain an “after-
life”
@Caucajun,
I don’t understand. The whole concept of “putting one foot in-
Frount of the other”, “soldiering on”, etc. Is just what I’m talking
about.
I guess there really is nothing I can do but grit and bear it..
But two months just seems like such a long time to wait.