Last August I Had a very hard time! I Started cutting on myself and listening to hateful Music! My friends started noticing I wasn’t being myself! I had a Freak out one night and told my mom That i felt like killing myself and wished I was dead! She told me to lay down! The next morning i stayed in my room all day which I usually Did if I was mad! I ended up cutting into my leg pretty deep where is was bleeding It says ” Fuckin deal”  I Ended up taking a lot of pills but just like Tylenol And Motrin. I ended up acting really funny and my mom Asked if i was ok I said yeah. Later that day my little brother asked if I would go swimming with him and I told him I would sit outside and then my mom realized something was wrong who is crazy enough to let their 2 year old brother go swimming in a 4’9 feet deep pool! I ended up showing her my legs and she sent me to the hospital! After that I went to a place for rehabilitation I was there For 2 weeks  And so happy to get out I ended up cutting again and Freaking out in the car yet again I tried to kill myself and the police came. I went back to rehabilitation not even 24 hrs after getting out finally I got out and went back home I was okay for about 2 days but then I was like Fuck i need to feels some pain so I went to go cut:/ Not good. I ended up cutting then I found some Hydromorphin  Which they usually never give anyone unless in almost dying pain! I took about 3 or 4 and i Was out! I woke up and my mom was like are you okay I was like who the fuck are you I couldn’t move or breath I was so out of it The ambulance came and my blood pressure was 190/110! I went back and It really helped Me out I mean I still have thoughts but it has been almost a year! I just thought I would share Because I know how It really feels!
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Hey, I hope you are fine now. I can understand how you feel,I was going through a lot almost like yours and seriously I was going down deep. Out of nowhere I got in habit of peeling my skin of fingers,biting my lips and worst I was behaving really really bad with my parents,I was going crazy. I started skipping meals, stopped hangouts and family gatherings. My mother was really worried about me. I wanted to kill myself because I felt myself of no good to anyone, I wanted to run away and never come back home,I even made plans of getting drowned,because I was afraid of water and was unaware of swimming. My Granny helped me,I still miss her now. She gave me a new ray of hope,she promised me that she will never share my secrets with anyone, She became my inspiration. My granny first give me a knife and said cut yourself if u can but just remember one thing,its not hard to live for yourself,its hard to live for others,if u cut your self right now,I will do the same. She had became my best friend at that time…..I swear,i cried so much that day and now I am living for others,i m living for my parents,siblings and my friends.
My only message to you is my friend,just dont go for killing yourself cuz then you are doing nothing but everything to let everyone down…those people who are expecting from you.
Thank you! Yeah I Know I Don’t want to die but I think about it a lot and my brother who is older is who Starting to cut himself!Your Grandma SOunds amazing! I am sorry for your life!