So this is where its ended up

I have no idea how to even start writing this or how to even put together what I am about to say.
When I was twenty I realized the horrible truth that both of my parents are narcissistic I have realized this after partaking in psychology classes and doing extensive research in this area. At first i thought it was crazy then i thought i was crazy but the more i researched the more the criteria fit my parents to a T. I didn’t want to believe it at first and still to this day (2 years later) I know it’s true i don’t know how to explain it (but for anyone who has come in to contact with individuals like this will know what i mean) they have both caused me nothing but psychological bullshit. Now i am not blaming my parents for my problems but they are the root of it. Obviously if you mentally physically and emotional abuse your child they are going to be screwed when they are older.
I was sexually abused as a child I have a mother and father who constantly emotionally and psychically abused me. Ignored me and kicked me to the side. I have been bullied my whole life at school at work at home. I have never had an escape I used to go to school get abused by the students and even the teachers and then to come home and then get it from my parents. I ran away at 14 years old only to return 3 months later because I had no money. For two years out of my teen age years I was stoned so sick and tired of dealing with everything. I just don’t understand why the hell people are just so shit and why i cannot cut a break. Honestly. It’s apparently a huge thing to even ask for.
I have suffered from an eating disorder for 8 years, and have relapsed five times. That only caused more bullying at school. It didn’t help that my mother constantly told me I was ugly too fat such a big ass …. It goes on. I have always been really angry and aggressive though I try my hardest to hide it. So 3 months ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression – which gave me the break through that I must have always had depression the whole time as I have felt like this my whole life. I lived constantly in fear worrying when the next beating is or when the next insulting remark is going to come. My mother actually told me my only responsibility that is *too be seen and not heard.
I have two friends who I hardly see I have slept with anyone in ages because I am scared of being hurt and I think I am unworthy of anything. My first boyfriend abused me and practically forced me to have sex with him then spread dreadful rumours about me.
The anger and bitter resentment I carry I am surprised that i can somewhat function. It not so easy to change your thinking and create a better mind set. I don’t know something has to change.
So I recently lost my job and I am back at the house of hell. I swore to myself I would never come back to my parents place my plan is too get far and far away from them as possible and try havea normal life. I am honestly so sick of being depressed I hate that I am angry I don’t just think of way to kill myself I think of way to kill my father ( I would never do it but if only he knew how much of a horrible father he was)
So I have stopped going out I don’t even want to go out. I broke off many of my friendships this year for the fact that I just never liked them. I have a bad case of insomnia and have gained 5 kilos.
I feel like I see through people and their hidden agendas and then don’t have patience. I always wonder to myself haveI always been this cold have I ever been happy. Or am I a narcissistic I would jump off the closed cliff if I found out I was.
Does anyone else feel like this ??