How do you even write all your problems down? I mean I can’t even understand them myself.
I have a loving girlfriend… and even though society may hate us we love eachother so much that we don’t even feel their hate.
I have some friends… I mean not like “hang out everyday and die for eachother” friends… more like acquaintances that probably wouldn’t think of me twice if I wasn’t here.
I have a little sister whom I adore… she is so beautiful, so perfect… I mean she’s just heaven sent.
And I try to be happy but every time I “am” something just pops up in my brain and tells me… “hey wait a minute let’s think about your long dead best friend or how you were almost raped… wait nah I have an even better idea let’s think of how it’s all your fault and how you will end up alone”. I think I just don’t want to be happy… I mean I do but I sabotage myself so that I’m not really happy and obviously I end up losing everyone around me… which is preety much what’s happening right now.
I don’t know why I’m writing this… It’s so not my thing… I’m more of a “save yourself and others, be strong” kind of person… maybe I’m just going so out of my mind that if I don’t write I may go back to self harming… I haven’t done it in 3 years and I have been on the edge of doing it for about a week now…
Just… hell I don’t even know…
2 comments
Well, don’t do it. Just don’t. It’s a no no. You have a loving girlfriend, KEEP HER. For the love of plants and stuff everywhere, keep her!! Be the big brother! Be the brother who protects the little sister. Make her proud, make yourself proud. You’re a lover and a brother. HEY! You have two girls to make proud. Stand tall, raise your chin and puff out your chest. Screw others who hate you! Screw them all! Their mind, not your business! your business is your business. And I think your business is this:
Make yourself happy.
Love your sister
Love your girlfriend
I’m a girl and that is why things are so messed up… I mean everyone around you lives their life with all these expectations of a prince and a princess who will get married and have a perfect life. I’ll never have that because someone will always be screaming a loud no in my face… My kids will never have grandparents cause my parents think I have a choice and until I make the “right” one, I’m preety much considered dead.
I try so hard to protect my little sister… I mean we’re 2 years apart and I still feel like her “mommy”… It’s just hard