i was a good person but i became evil and im not the evil kind of person who will hit you or call you bad names i am the one who makes you believe you can do anything but when i beome scared of continuing being part of your life i will leave you and not only that i will destroy you emotionally along the way….i dont deserve to live because all i do is give false hope to others when there is no hope for me…
continued on august 14
i love the people in my life but because i love them i end up hurting them… but i feel like i sometimes put my wants and needs mixed up in a pot in which i cant seperate them and then i do things that arent right….
19 comments
Well there’s other people like you…
Good initial intentions that seem to go badly.
U start of trying to help dont you. You helieve that you can make them better and hold urself together while doing so untill u suddenly realise that no matter what u cant fix them because u are useless and can barely manage urself let aloe anyone else so u break contact because u believe they deserve someone better than you to fix them. U believe ur not capable and they deserve better so u try nd help but cause more pain than what u fixxed. Am i close? Out of curiosity u say u dont deserve to live but i wonder why u think u deserve the reward of death ( its a question ive aske myself alot nd cant seem to answer) ps appolagies if im way out witg earlier statment
Somone must have fucked on you pretty bad man.
Wow.
Sound like someone I’ve turned it too… Kill me already!!!!!s
@pepperpep4
i hope you dont mind me asking but what’s your story?…
i think you are someone who helps ppl the most. you need to understand that there is no false hope when you’re intentions to help someone are good. don’t be afraid to continue being a part of someone’s life. just u being there could b that piece of hope they need. by you helping another person you could suprise yourself and spark hope for u. if you had the guts to go out of the way to help someone else there has to be someone to be willing to do the same for u who knows it could b that very same person. you never kno till u try. and even if that help doesn’t come as quickly as u want it to u aren’t taking a step back everything will b just as it is now and it can only move foward. being there for someone else is a reasonable investment of time u can’t hate urself if someone else loves u i know i’ve tried. it is always easier to let urself down but near impossible to let someone else down. Hope u make the right choice for u at this moment because only u can judge ur situation and kno where u want to go next
@restrictingheart
you made me smile with your comment and i wish that things were as easy as me just riding it out…its a matter of time and if my secrets can be hidden for long enough because then that way the only kind of pain will be emotional and nobodys future would be ruined but i do hope that if i am still in there lives in the time being i could be a good thing in their lives…
@Procel
You know your question about if i deserve the gift of death i have been thinking about it and the thing is if in my life the consequences of my actions would only fall on me i would gladly take all the pain and suffering i deserved but because of my lies and temptations i would take down innocent people down with me and me being gone would eliminate me thus eliminating the chance of those people being affected…
That actually makes scence as a reason to go but does that not take the decission away from the people it claims to help? What i mean is if ur affecting them is it not their choice if they want u gone not urs. Ur making out to be a selfless reason for suicide and to a degree it is but its also robbing everyone else affected their vote as to wether u hurt them so much they wish u dead or not. Surely if they are as hurt as u believe them to be by u then u should set it right, make it up to them instead of leaving them, hell they might end up believing they caused u to commit sucide, which they seem to have done qhich would make them worse than everything uve done before… Just a thought…
@Procel
im sure that if the truth came out then i would be wished dead by every person in my life…But you know you do make me think that although my secrets may hurt the ones i love in the future currently in my present i do help them in there lives i am that person that they go to for help or when they need a shoulder to cry on and deep down i love them with all my heart and thats why i would rather die before i see their future be ruined by my foolishness they are people with potential and to be brought down by something else someone did is not fair and although they are aware they dont get away from me…
Hey Worstperson, I was always under the impression that that was MY name!
You may be in danger of getting an exaggerated sense of your own importance Worstperson. You are not going to be the cause of as much suffering as you imagine…unless of course you follow through with the killing yourself thing.
Never underestimate how involved with their own stuff most people are. You hint that you have done something terrible, lied etc. You and just about the entire human race Worstperson.
Take it easy, try to chill a bit Worstperson, and have a laugh if you can. Stuff doesn’t need to be quite so serious ya know!
Bless. Zx
@louise50
Thank You 😀 but i wouldnt take it so seriously if the consequences werent jail time…
But thanks you seem like a sweet loving person who wants to give others hope i have seen quite a few of those here im glad the world still has people like yourself :
lots of love 😀
That’s the spirit! But in all seriousness please be careful the ride is never smooth and secrets can be consuming and overwhelming. even if you chose to keep them for a while or even if you think you can keep them forever they are always discovered and the aftermath is just that much worse. Don’t worry about ruining another persons future because they have to let you. if they decide to keep you in their life then hey at least you’re a part of their future huh. :/ Best of luck.
@restricingheart
they would go to jail…and i dont want that technically if i wait three years a statue of limitations would apply and they wouldnt go to jail… they are good people and dont deserve that for something stupid….i wouldnt want to be someone who sent the one they loved to jail…
sounds like a jail-bate problem.
That is a complicated issue….. (if I am right about the problem). First and foremost you have to worry about the child being messed up. But to deny true love seems silly because of someone decided one ‘number’ is okay, but another is evil.
no matter what – i hope you find a peaceful conclusion to your war.
ok so mayb that is a secret to keep for a while but understand u r a good person too. don’t beat yourself down so another can stay where they are or be lifted up. if you love them then y can’t you talk to them. they seem to b in on the secret. If they can’t talk about it with you then y r u keeping their secret? Just something to think about.
This more common than you think…. Is it also because you don’t live up to their expectations that you ‘hurt’ them? Many people think in terms of ”what are you to me” rather than ”what am I to you?” I prefer the latter way, but that’s why we are both in this mess and they are not.