Box…

I found the box. Opened it and searched it… It hurts… I didn’t know pain would hurt this much. I didn’t know the guilt would hurt more than I moved away. I wish to forget everything completely. I wish to wipe it out of my mind, so i wouldn’t bug them anymore. i messed up. i should have set a plan, I should have set a goal. i should have talked about it. but i didn’t. Now i grief in so much anger, now i greif in so much bitterness, so much pain. I have done way too much pain, only cuz i was such a terrible friend. i was desperate, i wanted nothing, but reality, turned a different corner and made me jealous. I thought I had many friends, but they all lied. I only had one, and i fucked it up. only cuz i was a terrible friend. i wished i was there for him. but i wasn’t i was going thru my complicated crap. now it is time that i should keep quiet and isolate myself. anyways nobody really cares in the reality world. and i also listened to my demonish friend. he told me that no one ever cares. the more drama i get myself into, the more complixed and frustrated i become, wanting to be free without judgment is nothing. everyone judges. And now I don’t know what to do. and also, i should have listened to my other friends that if i ever move back here, its ganna be really different. everything changes way too fast paced when your mind is still in the past. Time rushes and you just want time to stop or either really slow down.