I’ve been falling in and out of depression so easily over the past two years, I’ll feel okay for a few days and then something will happen and I’ll go crashing back down. The worst part is everything that has fucked up in my life has always been my fault. The last time I tried to commit suicide I told some friends about it, I made an unsuccessful overdose attempt and pity turned into cries of attention seeking. This time around I’ve not told anyone because I know the same thing will happen and I can’t handle any more. I feel so alone, I am alone. My friends and boyfriend have all disowned me because of a recent incident and my family has always hated me. I didn’t get accepted into college and the thoughts of a further year of empty days, sleepless nights and loneliness is destroying me. I feel calm when I think it could potentially be over soon, I don’t even care about finding future happiness because I know it’s only a matter of time before it crashes down around me again. I’m done with making mistakes and being a failure.
Death is the only thing I find peace in, my final problem right now is how. I OD’d before and it failed, I don’t want that to happen again and for people to find out again because then I’ll have to live through more shame and hurt and deal with peoples emotional reactions. I wish I had the guts to hang myself.
2 comments
yeah. i know what u mean exactly.
the constant trying but still failing takes a serious toll on my spirit too, to the point where it seems to me that there is concerted effort to keep me down and out…….maybe suicide is the right option for me since i can’t succeed here.
concept: If you’re truly going to commit suicide, then you are obviously putting yourself and your feeling above all others. I find nothing wrong with this, but if parts of this world are making you so unhappy, why don’t you do some research and find out exactly where the problem is arising from. At that point, you can take on the problem and if you win, YAY!!! Problem solved. If you can’t win, then why don’t you consider offering your own life in exchange for inflicting pain on whatever caused you the pain. It’s obvious that our society is f’d up and beyond repair. If you kill yourself, you’re nothing but a statistic and in the grand scheme of things, your hurt is soon forgotten by those who caused it. If you are willing to die in the face of whatever is ailing you, then why don’t you go out with a BANG!!! At least it would send a message to other forces that cause misery and grief to many of the people who post on here. Society tells us that violence is not the answer, but if this is what is actually practiced, then why are so many of us hurting? Maybe an act of violence IS justified.
Like I said, this is only a CONCEPT. I, in no form or fashion, am condoning violent actions of any kind. (And all that other legal mumbo, jumbo)