I’m feeling poetic yet my words aren’t flowing
I’m saddened and now filled with guilt
And I feel even more lonely
I saw the news and filled with sadness
Now I’ll choose to suffer
Rape me blind, or murder my body
The polish away my remains with a buffer
I had rather have taken my own life
Since I’ve endured the death of others
They do the usual and they’d do the same if I’d end it all
They wail and cry and regret with each other
Now my eyes are opened and I’m even more depressed than before
I’ll have no choice buy to live this stupid life
I’ll have no choice but to endure
I’ll have no choice even if people claim I do
Choice is a lie and it definitely doens’t lie with you
I was never allowed to choose
And even if I did it wouldn’t matter
I’d eat less till I was thin as a rail
Or continue on until I’m fatter
I live in a place when people are dying so much it makes no sense
Where jobs are so scarce with training or not
Where the poor steal from the poor
It turns into an endless cycle
I don’t want to move anymore
I don’t want to dream anymore
All i want to do is just cry
But the big ole world says you’re a number
Come on and stand in line
Get a rejection letter
Be denied
Have your folks be mental switch blades
Cut like knives
Be a coward doused in fear
Close my eyes
Watch the loves hold hands
Fuck tonight
Sip a bottled water
Hydration
Live next to a lot of unncessary bull
Roll your eyes
I’m real and not in the present state.
I am calm and amped during the late
My wishes and hopes are never acknowledge
No one understands the shit that happened but I did
And when I want a shoulder to cry on
Turn away
When I ask for a bit of freedom
Get the fuck away
You don’t have to move your mouth
Silence kills
I already know what you’re talking about
You’re predictable and not in the same present state
You both won’t hesitate
You both won’t wait
I do what you ask and I still get the silent boot
Now there no point
I’m out of juice
But I saw the sign
It read a failure
SInce years till now
Someone somewhere is saying
You didn’t make it ha hell yea
I don’t want you to have the satisfaction of my breath
The satisfaction of my success
Because it does not satisfy me
I’m amused because I’m abused
Every step outside this house is like I’m in a new world
Until I hit the sidewalk and remember
There may not be another
Life is about opportunities
Oh good I get the lemons
Use them wisely
I guess I’ll throw them at you head
I never asked to be here but here I am
Everyday living breathing and pretending
I’m thankful for what I have
Great
But i Only wanted one thing and now I’m too much of a messed up person to ever get it.
Love yourself before others. But this is not true for I used to and the bad ones still came
I was mentally used
People call me strong I’m pathetic and weak in the subtlest ways
That’s why I want to know why I could die the next day
But that too I’m too much of a coward I was supposed to die at 21
Me and a friend
Now he’s fixed up not perfect but he’s there
And here I am nowhere
It has it’s perks of self reflection
Finding myself and my true aspirations while untainted
Sadly it just opened my heart soul and mind to the reality that I am nothing at all in this grand scheme but a spec. And because of this spec I must live onwards because I move everyone else will fall.
Jinga Life is such hell.