I believe family and friends are the most important things in the world. I am committed to this idea. My family and friends are not. One by one, they have all fallen out of my life. They don’t call me back. They don’t show up to parties. nothing. They just vanish and I have no idea why. I could understand if we’d had some sort of disagreement, but there was nothing. One day things are fine. The next day I no longer have a friend.
Needless to say, I’m quite lonely.Â
I wish I knew why everyone is leaving me. I must be me, right? Most of these people have nothing in common with eachother. I don’t think they got together and decided to forget me.
But I suppose that’s the problem. Despite my loyalty. My kindness. My willingness to allow a homeless friend to stay with me rent free. My tired body as I drive an hour at three a.m. to pick up someone that’s in a bad situation. Despite my giving of money I can’t really spare. Despite it all. I am easily forgotten.
I am not pretty. I am not particularly intelligent. I haven’t got any talents. All I have is kindness. That’s all I can give. It is also something that many will take without ever giving back.
No one is there for me now that I need them. Everyone that said they’d always have my back are gone.
None of my questions or pleas to them have been answered. What did I do?
I am alone and I just want to die.
4 comments
Somekindoffreak, I’ll start by contradicting your user name! You are no freak here as you will quickly find out if you read a few posts and comments here!
I also want to say I’ve been in your position of having a close and much-loved friend turn her back on me, so I know all the soul-searching and heartbreak involved.
It’s hard to understand what’s in the head of these friend who desert. Maybe it’s best not to go there, because ‘that way madness lies’. You are better sticking with your own kindness and integrity Somekindof. At least that way you will retain your self-respect and know yourself to be a genuine and caring person. I’m basically saying even if you can’t beat them, it doesn’t mean you should join them!
When I was younger (I’m 50 now) I would have totally concurred with your feeling that friends and family are the most important thing in life. I’m not so sure now. It would be interesting to start a debate on the topic. What does anyone else think?
Zoe x
I have a similar problem. Always feels like I give more than I get. For instance right now I am pissed because I went to a friends house to help her pack, turns out she had to go out somewhere and didn’t bother tellin me not to come. And her AND her boyfriend are meant to be staying on my couh until they find a new place but she hsnt bothered telling me when.
It’s hard when you’re the kind of person who is naturally inclined to give. Because most people aren’t. This leads to you feeling taken advantage of. My advice to you (and I will try to take it also) is that true kindness is done for no return or expectations. And if you are expecting something in return, well maybe it’s best to stop giving entirely. You can’t buy loyalty with kindness (I’m not suggesting your tryin to do that just making a statement)
As far as the people vanishing goes, theres a few potential causes. Are you sort of depressing and whiney? I’ve become estranged from some people becaus of that. Because honestly… No one wants to be around me if I am being depressing. It’s too exhausting. And awkward. They don’t know what to say to make it better, an don’t wanna risk making it worse, so it’s easier to avoid the situation entirely.
Or else they are those people who get hitched and from there on, you never see them again. Not unless you get hitched yourself and move to the suburbs.
Anyway, 2 things: whatever it is don’t take it personally. And, a good friend is understanding and forgiving. Don’t demonise your friends. Mostly people are only human
Friends and family are all that matter to some people, myself included but thats more because of what values we chose to both represent and follow loyalty, kindness, friendship etc. But like one_day said true kindness must have no expectation of return then it isnt kindness but a calculated manover to gain a favour. I have a brother who can be so unbelievably selfush sometimes not think of anyone else but himself but its not out of badness he genuinly dosnt think of other but i also know that hed have my back. Peopke are by their nature selfish. Its like they are so deepky in touxh with their survival instinct that they are only concerned with their own well being, short sighted view but u cant change them all u can do is be better than them. What was it ur man in bruce almighty said be the change u want to see in the world? just becaude the world is full of dickhead wankers dosnt meen u have to become on it just makes u so much more of a special person who is needed in this world to remind others that good people do still exsist.
Louise50, thank you. *hug*
one_day and procel, I’m sorry I wasn’t clear. These are people that USED to be close with me. People with whom I’ve fought next to and against. I don’t WANT anything from my family and friends. I never expect repayment. I always felt awkward when someone would try to repay me somehow. Hell, I don’t even like getting gifts on holidays. I just want to know why people that once had my back suddenly couldn’t give a damn if I died. The only time I let myself get all depressing is when I’m alone. I know other people can’t handle this. That’s why I’m HERE. It’s like I’ve been erased from everyone’s memory. I don’t want to be forgotten.