I think the worst thing ever is when people say other people commit or attempt suicide are selfish and cowards, and above all else, that they do it for attention.
Today, I checked my inbox on youtube seeing someone replied to my comment on How To Save A Life. This guy said , and I quote, “go fuck yourself in hell mother fucker. you talk to me about retards killing themselfs? only because they got bullied in school? or perhaps because their mother didn’t buy them an expensive gift? those shitheads deserve to die. and wtf?.. you say you lost people because of what? suicide? are you like a retard or something?… ”
Wow. How fucking original. sadly this person deleted the comment. Good choice, he already has so many people attacking him back. He doesn’t need more
The other day, I brought up my last (known) attempt with  my mom. Her response? That I did it because my dad didn’t get me what I wanted, that and because I wanted attention. No. Not true. In case she can’t recall, I tried before that (twice as far as she knows), and did self harm for years before that.
anyways, a question.
Why do people always say that if you attempt/commit suicide, then you are a selfish, attention seeking, coward?
In my opinion, Â I never wanted people to know I tried to off myself, and never do. So how exactly does that mean I want attention. If anything I wanted attention away from me, so no one would know. So will someone tell me please, how after trying to kill myself those times, I am suddenly an attention whore?
7 comments
it is selfish but not in a bad way, we are all individual, and when it gets on top its our own choice to end, i too am puzzled when people say its cowardly, taking your own fucking life? cowards would hold the gun and throw it away, swallow the pills and heave it up themselves, jump out of the plane and pull the parachute.
Why did you bring it up with your mom? I’m sure she does. Moms tend to remember stuff like that. Then again, not all moms are the same.
First of all that person on youtube was probably trollin’ as they call it. I still don’t understand what pleasure people get from doing that type of thing online..it seems very boring to me.
I think the people that think its for attention (your mom included) are either:
1. just not understanding of what it feels like to be that depressed…they have never felt it, just dont get it. They think its something that can be snapped out of or something that is used as a tactic that is used to get something..
2. They are unemotional uncaring people who drift on in life unaware and in a state of ignorant bliss..
3. They have felt this way before and hold it in..and do not like to see other people outwardly displaying it, they feel its something that should be taken care of by oneself or hidden..
i like this you understand. the more people finds out my secrets the more they tell me that i am a coward.
They are ignorant.They have never been in our shoes so they don’t know how it is to be so depressed.
Personally, I have recently told more ppl…. I have two friends (one an hr away and one local), my mom, my pastor, my aunt and the nurse at work all kno and I’ve only been so open b.c. I’m so despersate to get out of it b.c. I’ve been going thru this for over half my life and I honestly feel like if I don’t get control over it… it will take control over me and I will one day go thru with it. But I’ve had two of those ppl (my mom and the so called friend) have said I’m seeking attention which makes the situation even worse. But honestly I’ve been told that these ppl feel attacked b.c. they kno I’m looking for an answer and they can’t give me one… so they guilty for not being able to help like they want to.
No, it’s not about getting attention.
It’s about finding an end to emotional pain.
I have reprinted my post on suicide from this spring;
the Suicide
Death dwells in the shadow just at your shoulder. You invited it in, you dined with it, you bathed with it, you lay with death.
Consumed by and consuming, death becomes both a path and a destination for you.
You write a final letter, a final note, and gulp down a bottle of pills, hoping it will all be over soon…
And then…
You wait…
But not long for as you soon take you final step…
You call for help.
But wait, this makes no sense?
Why would you wish for death, plan for death, and attempt to kill yourself only to give up and try to save yourself in the last few moments of life?
This is the true nature of suicidal ideation;
Yes, profound physical or emotional pain, can drive you to begin to think about killing yourself just to ease that pain, literally trading your life for an end to suffering.
It makes sense that once pushed far enough our bodies and minds seek a final solution, a final exit.
But it also holds true that once we reach the threshold we often reach out to any that can help us, a final act of self preservation. It is for this very reason that help lines exist, to take advantage of our innate need to survive.
We call this confusion over wishing to die while clinging to life Suicidal Ambivalence.
This is what brought us together here.
The important idea here is that even when you may feel that you hate life and that you wish for an early death, suicide is really just the last coping mechanism you may have left.
The more depressed and disordered your thinking, the easier it may be to fall prey to suicidal thoughts.
As your stress and anxiety increase, your need to find relief increases and your usual ways of coping, cutting, meds, drinking, drugs, may not bring relief.
From this perspective, suicide actually makes sense. It really is a quick inexpensive way to stop the unbearable pain of a life scourged by abuse, trauma, torment, and mental illness.
Is it crazy to want to stop your pain?
Is it crazy to want peace?
Is it crazy to feel suicidal?
No.
It is your body and minds most drastic coping strategy, a final exit strategy.
The tragic side to this is that although most suicidal people wish for an end to suffering through death, they probably don’t want to actually be dead.
If you came to this site feeling like your life is over, thinking and planning to kill yourself, wishing for and end to pain and anguish, ask yourself this question:
IF I COULD TRADE MY SUFFERING FOR A PEACEFUL LIFE, AND STAY ALIVE, WOULD I?
You are not crazy.
You deserve a life free of pain.
You can have a life free of suffering.
You do not have to die.
OM SHANTI