I really am cutting now, aren’t I… No reason for it, really, i just get it into my head and then the old blunt knife i made when i was in the scouts is in my hand and I’m… “practicing”. I’m making more headway now than i did summer to 7th grade. long scabbed over lines, and i don’t even have to wear long sleeves, because nobody sees. Which is good, because i only own 2 of those, and only 1 of them is particularly comfortable. And that one mom gave me a week ago or so. I could read a lot into that, but i know it will just be gibberish.

Should be looking for a job. Should have read the information i got “in preparation” for my job hunt. I know I’m missing things and I won’t have any money to pay that damn student loan come next year, even though i somehow got it delayed. I can’t make one more phone call like that. I can’t make any phone calls at all. There are so many things I’m not doing. My life is full of walls. Mom wants to kick me out. I’m not acting as the house elf she wants. I can’t even make myself clean the damn kitchen as well as i should.

I am useless.