For some reason when i joined this blog or project whatever it is i was expecting something more, like i would feel better after posting, but the more i read others posts i just feel worse because i read everyone elses stories and just feel like a complete douche because im not going through half the shit they are. I had this crazy thought that someone was just gonna comment on my stuff with rush of support but thats not what this for. its just the way for the unheard to be heard, after all no one understands suicidal people better than suicidal people,
I think its time to give up, i dont have the strength to keep up this mirage of a functioning life, i just dont.
9 comments
No it’s not what this is for, but you aren’t alone. I have absolutely no reason to feel the way I do. Nothing bad has happened to me. I have a big loving family and a few (and by that I mean 2 or 3) friends. I live with housemates in a nice house. I am self-sufficient (albeit in a large amount of debt) hold down a good job, have a car. All that jazz. But I’m still alone. I’ve been single for 3 years, the 2 year relationship I had before that was with a guy who was really nothing more than a friend, but by that point I had given up trying to find a man I want to marry. My life is going no-where fast and I’m stuck in a very vicious cycle of self loathing, cutting only self off from the world then being so alone I’m miserable all the time, which leads to self loathing for being this miserable person no one wants to be around! It’s tough. Actually it’s getting tougher by the day, and I found this site whilst researching the most pain-free way of commuting suicide! You aren’t a douche. You are a human being and you aren’t happy with your life. It’s allowed!! I’ve seen posters commenting on how people who feel pointless or worthless are just lazy! Im lazy! But I’m also terrified of rejection, terrified of putting myself out there and being told I’m not good enough. Hiding is easier. But it makes you feel worthless. It’s a hard cycle to break, I’ve not succeeded yet! But please know that you aren’t alone! If you want someone to try and make you feel better, just ask! I’m great at giving advice! Shit at taking it though :-/
Twister x
Ie tried suicide 3 times and no one knows, i look at myself like im crazy. Im pretty sure everyone else thinks im crazy too but not for the same reason. and about the relationships thing my fiance cheated on me a week and a half ago… so i was getting on too look for the best pills to pop to die the quickest. I hate myself because i couldnt keep my fiance happy because i wasnt able to keep myself from being depressed even though i had a beautiful women in front of me. I also posted on here bc its my only outlet i cant let the military know im suicidal… but thanx for the offer of advice…
TheFacelessPoet47
Please do not give up. Please seek out help and keep asking until you get it. Write down one thing on your to-do list: ask for help. There are people on this site who aren’t suicidal but who been touched by suicide. I am one of those people, and I beg you to get help so you can get to the rich life you deserve. Before my son killed himself, I could not fathom the pain that leads someone to do such a thing. I now hurt so badly that the idea of dying feels like a great comfort. But I know this is not a proper legacy to my son, and another death in our family would wreck everyone even more. Please read about clinical depression on the web. You will see that is is treatable and that suicide is preventable. Your serotonin levels are low and you need a boost–either though medicines or exercise or both. Talk therapy along with exercise, meds, and sufficient rest will put you on the road to repair. And I am happy to help you in any way that I can. If you want my help, write back and I will share my contact information. PLEASE GET HELP and do not give in. I want you to reflect on this in 40 years and say, “Thank goodness I did not impulsively kill myself at this low point in my life. Look at the amazing places I have been and the amazing people in my life. I’m so thankful I stayed on this earth.” I wish my son had done that. He was an exceptional, curious, empathetic, loving and brilliant person who deserved to live a full life.
Ma’am i do not mean to be rude, and i truely am sorry for the loss of your son, but losing someone and losing yourself are completely and totally different. You lose someone you lose apart of you, lose yourself your left with nothing. Suicide isnt a comfort, the fact that most of us on here are posting proves that otherwise we wouldve done it, the problem is suicide is the lesser of two evils as far as im concerned. I apologize if that came off rude or unneccesary its just thats where im at, no one understands a suicidal person except for a suicidal person
Hey FP47… I’m a veteran and I know that you know how far too many of us force ourselves to role play mr tough guy just to avoid asking for proper help. Yeah, this site is great for typing at others who totally “get it”, but speaking from experience the VA has helped me a LOT. I’m still alive, and though bad is bad, I know you’d rather highlight th good and enjoy yourself like the other people who apparently dont even think of suicide.
I was going to propose to my gf of 3yrs when I found out ugly style that she cheated on me, many times… It took me a long time to move beyond the memory and get back to reality, but I like to think that you will too. Why? Because you want love to be real, and the only way to have that is to live and get it.
I wish you well brother.
I appreciate the sentiment brother
Right on. Feel free to email me at my name the number zero at yahoo dot com.
I pretty much on a daily basis question my sanity! How can one person be this fundamentally screwed up?! But the sad fact is most people are! Just look at the millions of self help books sold on a daily basis. I occasionally try to remind myself of that!
I don’t know anything about your relationship, so can’t comment as to whether you failed her or not, but either way she failed you too. Taking on all the blame is not only going to crush you, but it just isn’t accurate! I know you can’t help how you feel, but cheating just isn’t acceptable. EVER! Period. If she had an issue with you she should have voiced it and talked to you and, if nothing could be solved, separated from you before ANYTHING happened with anyone else. However, me saying this to you now isn’t going to help you, the damage is done. You just need to try not to let it completely push you over the edge – and I say this from a point at which I’m feeling pretty stable for the first time in weeks, after yet another occasion where the man I’ve been head over heels in love with since I was 14 (I’m 31 now) waltzed into my life, ended up in my bed and then disappeared again. No matter how much he hurts me I always let him back in and I have no idea why, and it always leaves me feeling like life is just not worth living because the only man who has ever (and I suspect WILL ever) made me fall completely head over heels doesn’t and will never want me!
If nothing else, I truly hope that you find posting on her helps you. I hope we all help you! I’ve never opened up like this to anyone I know, because like you say they just don’t get it! And being a faceless name on a site full of other faceless people who are in similar emotional states finally makes me feel like I’m not a completely abnormal freak!
Sorry for waffling on, I hope you find the same kind of “comfort” that I do from posting on here – I only signed up yesterday and already I feel so much calmer, it’s weird but very welcome after my recent low (ha, that’s an understatement!!!!). I do not envy you being in the military – I’m a girl so get given a certain amount of leeway with my emotions, I can’t even begin to understand how difficult it would be to have to hide this all behind a wall of male bravado!
Good luck, I hope you keep posting x
thank you so much 🙂