Everyone’s story has a Ending…but how early is that ending?? (Life Story)

“Can I Go on?? ”  this question always goes through peoples’ minds, messing with the feelings in our hearts..

To be quite accurate I started out as everyone else, An accident. But it wasn’t just like whoops i got pregnant accident.

my mom was raped when she was 17 years old. not only that but she was sexually Abused when she was little so I was more or less

like the cherry on top. I… was left at the hospital; so even though she never tells me, i know she never wanted me.

I don’t live with my mom anymore; I’m 16 and haven’t lived with her since i was in 8th grade. I have  three younger sisters’ (14,12,1).

during the few years i lived with my mom, I have witnessed and experienced alot of things that a child should never have to

go through at that age… I was more or less as a pass around kid. I’ve lived with my Great-Grandma til she passed on, one of my many

Aunts (Jen) and her husband, My Mom, My Grandma, and  My Grandma’s sister (Judy), were i currently am.

The pain of never having a father figure around and I now regret ever asking my mom who was my dad. I was i dunno what you would

call it, being “touched” ?? by my Moms sister. i still see her and each time a bit of hate grabs a hold of  everything and takes over.

No one knows about that. I have been beaten by my mom during the times she would drink her sorrows away.

I would be left at home at the age of 6 to watch my sister and our mom’s friends’  kids.

I would think that My life wouldn’t make a difference and would consider killing myself… but

each time i fight with myself and instead cut my wrists just to ease the pain for a little while.

I know i have nothing to cry about… And i think that I am the bad person, that i cause my mom pain every time i go see her. I think

what if she secretly hates me and despises that I am the product of the monster that raped her??

I’ve considered suicide at least three times but I always think about the nice parts of my life and family.

and i decide to go on…

but

for how long???