My life…
Grew up witnessing my father mentally and physically abusing my mum. Even saw him raping her when I was about 9.
Cut off contact with him completely when I was 18, my brothers still see him which disgusts me.
Got into my first serious relationship at 18, was with him until I was 30. Still friends.
Got into a relationship a couple of months after with someone who I now realise is a sociopath. I was completely in love with him though, crazily in love and was about to move in with him before it finished. He always put me down, was very controlling and lied about EVERYTHING. During relationship I got diagnosed with a liver disease, came v close to needing a transplant. He knowingly caused me immense stress that had a serious impact on my health. Feel like I can never trust a man again.
Illness and medication has caused my weight to fluctuate, my circulation is awful, my skin is covered in spots (I’ve always felt very confident in the way I look but not anymore) and I’ve been utterly depressed for years.
Always wanted to be a mum but can’t if I’m on medication, which in reality I could be on for life.
I’m in my early 30s and still living with my mum and older brother, who has his own issues. I stay in my room all day because I can’t deal with questions plus I feel very shut out as they have a much closer bond. I’m massively in debt and can’t bear the thought of a full time job.
My life is utter shit. I can’t hold down a job, my energy levels are so low, I constantly worry and I’m exhausted. I don’t have any reason to live, nor do I have the strength to turn things around. My mind is on self-destruct.
7 comments
You’re in a slump, albeit a very deep one. Do you play sports? The extent of a mentally strong player does not go beyond the first point. Even the pros take it one point at a time.
Thank you for responding. Your analogy makes a lot of sense but even the first point seems impossible to me.
I keep giving up on everything.
Why decide the game already? Even if you’re behind, you still need the first score. Championships have been won with players who were behind.
My illness and meds zap my energy and f*ck with my moods. I cry every day. I’m weak and have no-one that can help but I’m just not strong enough on my own.
I wish I could convince you how strong you can be if you took the first step but that’s not within my power. I don’t know who is saying you’re not strong – I am saying, you are. You have it in you. Realize it.
Plus this world depresses me and I don’t actually want to watch it getting destroyed by the people with power and all those who conform to their rules. I should have been born 60 years ago. I shouldn’t even be here! This world isn’t for me.
Let’s put it this way, there’s more to the world than your room. You don’t have to hold a full time job. You can always work smalls jobs. And something you like too. You could work in the back room of something, whatever. And, do things that will make you happy. If questions arise, just push them away. You’re doing what makes you happy, and nobody should question that.