All through my life ive been abused, my parents dont understand me, long story short they believe in forced respect. My brother suffers with depression, he used to cut in his room with a knife. My relatives are truly the rudest assholes ive met. They seem to enjoy me while im around but they never talk to me and ive heard them say bad things about when i get roughly 15 meters away from them. School is the worst. I get bullied and i get called names like ‘sausage nipples’ and ‘smalldick’ (the second one originated from 4 days ago when they saw me urinate when my penis wasnt erected). I thought junior high was going to be the ‘social’ three years of my life, where i would get to see cultural references of popular music and also get to be invited to prestige raising ‘parties’ (ex. A late night rave party with a popular musical artist such as drake or mike shinoda.). But it wasnt. Instead, all i find myself doing on late nights is playing video games or thinking suicidal or depressed thoughts while lying on my bed.
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i know how it is. but i guess this is where our depression differs. i dont like people making insults at prides expense. i would not let people make me feel that way. i wont get into details but lets say there is no way in hell these people will ever come at me the same way again unless they want to feel the pain physically that they tormented me with psychologically. just be real. fuck whats trendy or popular. make what you like popular. i know this is easier said than done but when i was in middle school i was a huge social reject. by the time high school started i was the most popular kid there (not all that its cracked up to be, i ended up dropping out cause the whole world was in my business) just because i played music and was in a band. if you like video games, make it your thing. you know there is other people at school into games. just dont give up. practice on working out your inner super hero. just like every boy growing up you had to have wanted to help people and stop crime and suffering. just be the super hero of your school. one time i stepped up to 11 people all byself to protect this small filipino boy, i ended up gaining their respect… im not saying go up to every bully and try to fight him, im actually trained in hand to hand combat so thats what helped me. take up mma (i know all the kids think they can do flying armbars after watching ufc) and actually learn the art of self defense. its what helped me to get out of my shell.
The point i was trying to make in this article was that i never am able to fulfill my life goals. For example, i used to think that in 7th grade i would have sex at a rave. This never happened of course, i never had sex, let alone get invited to a crack, heroin, or marijuana rave. Whether good or bad, ive never been able to fulfill my life goals.