So lately i have noticed some things that are a little shocking. I have decided they are a result from all the rubbing alcohol i drank a few months ago.  Um so the stuff that’s been happening includes,   Me being slower and weaker, the inside of my mouth peeling, constant headaches, and my blood and sometimes just my skin has a little bit of the smell of rubbing alcohol. I am still fighting with the hell in my head. I have too much going on to focus on it right now and control my madness inside. Sorry if this is scary i don’t want to to get the wrong idea about me. But i have had thoughts of hurting people or ripping things apart. I get the feeling like i want to crush other people break them like i fell broken. They are disturbing thoughts, even for me, the one who is thinking them. I have just had this inner hunger to watch the people i hate suffer. I currently play soccer. while in the game my position is defense. Right back if you want to get technical. But i am small. Smaller than most people that try to get by me. But while in the game i use my madness to my own wishes. And im fast. i can go around the weak one use my reckless want to hurt people to well hurt people. I also feel useless like i have no purpose. I just want to disappear and be some where else.  A better world. I want so badly for this world to just be a lie. I want to have a known purpose. I want to be able to have normal feelings. Other than madness, anger, and sadness. Almost feel no love for anybody any more. I don’t have time for love i need to learn how to handle myself. I feel like two people fighting over being sane or insane. I currently feel more insane. I have started to hate the light. The days are bright and filled with heat and false hope. The people who say they care their never actually there when it counts. In the dark I know they aren’t there because i can’t see them. I feel less lied to at night. But i guess that’s all for tonight. im getting pretty tired. but i wish it could just stay dark. And time could be frozen at night and i could run around freely for awhile and find myself. I almost feel like giving into the madness sounds good.
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hey, if you ever need to talk, you know how to get a hold of me. sorry for what your going trough bud. if you want my number just message me. ill be glad to talk to you.
okay talking helps less and less now but advice and reading comment on my posts helps distract me from the tension
Why did you drink rubbing alcohol?
If you drink enough you could die. i guess the bottle lied because here i am :/
hey Crona_death, sorry to hear that. As far as i know every living cell contains water and minerals where the minerals need to be in a special concentration in relation to the minerals of the water the cell lives in. So a cell regulates its water-content by osmotic effects. whenever the environment is changed e.g. by alcohol or salt or distilled water or … by a huge quantity then the cells will explode or crumble due to osmosis and die. I guess the effects of skin peeling will last as long as there is still alcohol in the tissue but as long as it is only the upper skin it should be ok i guess. drifting to violent toughs is something you should try to avoid because if you do that long enough they may or eventually will become the standard pattern of thinking. I would suggest you should try to stop them whenever they pop up by doing something else (e.g. sports, creative stuff, what ever but it is best to not always to the same thing [may create a need to do the same thing over and over again]). well hasn’t life become pointless in our society? but on the other hand i guess if you think about your past you will come up with something which was and still is not pointless to you. e.g. for me it was and still is studding all kinds of science stuff being in nature and do sports. i can only urge you to find something which does matter for you and to get used to look at the bright side again. I mean after all you still have your heath and many new things to discover and a few of them may be able to get you out of your current condition. But there is only one person who can do that and that is you.
yours beatenup
(was doing sports -> not possible anymore) 🙁