Tell me,
What do you want from me?
Do I treasure an item from you?
Have I disturbed you myself?
Have I disgusted you with my disgusting attitude?
Does simply praying everyday not enough for you?
If so, what do you want from me?
What is it that I can do to get you to guide me through?
Not to just guide me through, but to let me break free?
To let me break free from thinking too much?
Thinking of the negative, which I believe is being caused by the shadow?
The shadow that has strengthened itself to turn invisible and to cause me harm?
That is here to cause me despair and finally refuses to leave for me to finally suicide?
…Tell me again,
How can I be me?
How can I be me without disturbances flying around?
Without what I think might be a bad aura in my room?
In this house?
Wherever I go..?
Do I have to sacrifice things to please you?
Are you really that needy enough for me to fulfill what pleases you and sacrifice who I think might be – ME?
Or am I just being argumentative at the moment and think that you think that I’m starting to rely on you completely when I’ve told you several times I’m not?
Tell me..
Do you still trust in me?
Do you like to watch me in pain, in headaches, crying, cutting, dizzy, light-headed, depressed, unmotivated?
Are you ever going to give me the final solution to my problems?
Or can you simply have them fade away?
Do you think ending my life will solve it, however?
The raging and constant switches of emotions?
That for a while I’ve been trying to manage and I’m sick of all the internal bullshit I’m dealing with?
And did you know that it’s merging into an outer problem?
Do you believe because others suffer much worse that I can help myself?
Do you think if it weren’t for me to search “bad†sites because I’m curious enough to find out what’s going on with me, I would have still had my parents’ trust?
Tell me…
Was going through all this shit a risky game you set me in..?