18 years old… but born dead

Hi…I know my story will sound quite pathetic, but i must admit im really glad there is a place in the world where I can tell it. It all started 18 years ago, the day I was born, it was also the day I feel I had my life taken from me. My parents I love them, or at least I think I do. But is it love? What is love? all I know is that I am extremely unhappy. I am 18… I have never used drugs or alcohol, have never gone to a party, had a boyfriend (or done all the things that go with that), done something illegal to the point which it would make a fun story to tell in the future, have never had my hair longer than shoulder length (my mom says it looks awful if it is any longer than that), I have never had a face that wasn’t acne covered (I got acne really bad when i was 11 and it hasn’t gone away no matter what I try), I just can’t seem to be able to find the courage to do anything that goes beyond my parents unofficial rules. I find myself here and now with no adventures from my life to tell, i’m pathetic. Anytime I do anything i feel like the most awful person on this planet. I know people have way worse problems than I do, but i can’t help hating everything do to my own lack of personality. I hate that I always feel empty and sour, like an aged carton of milk, I hate that i dont feel good enough for others, i hate that i feel i have to feel good enough for others, i hate that sometimes i want to pry my eyes out to keep from crying, i hate how crying in my family is seen as absolute weakness, I hate that every time i try to do something i fail at least 90% of the time, I hat that people are so mean ( a few I can handle but i gurantee I’ve met my breaking point), i hate that every time i look in the mirror all i see is an empty shell of an old hag, i hate how lifeless i feel, i hate that im so forgiving, i hate that i’m not strong enough to use my emotions in support not against myself, i hate that i’m never noticed (by anyone), i hate that i hate so many things, i hate how harsh i am on myself, i hate how the people i do know think that i’m a stuck up *****, oh geeze i hate the world! Im sorry that I wasted your time if you read this. and im sorry it sounds like such a sally-sob-story when other people have bigger problems, and i cant help but feel sorry for my self. Sorry.