Night is rapidly falling upon me. My night is here. Â My thoughts are shaking in the dark. Here is my dilemma. Â I guess it’s not really a game of russian roulette when you load the gun completely. Maybe if it doesn’t go off in my head the first time, I’ll take that as a sign and as another chance for another day to live.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
101 comments
Shoot
I will, thanks.
:'( these always make me sad.
Them miss a shot. Wait.?
I don’t mean to make anyone feel that way. I feel I need more time, yet I feel my time has run out. Maybe I’m confused in this moment.
Ok End you. m/f.
Glad to feel pushed at this moment Donnie. Maybe I need that.
I’m a freak
want to know.
Your female.?
Yes
If you aren’t sure maybe you should wait? It’s up to you, but you have all the time in the world to not exist. What’s the rush?
You hon I feel I need more time, yet I feel my time has run out. Maybe I’m confused. Me Than wait it out.
Just dont off yourself. Yet
jael85. Wait.?
I am confused as this will be it, no turning back if I die. (And now confused with Donnie a bit too) I’m shaking, I don’t know to laugh or cry. I want to know there is a reason to stay.
If you die now you will never see the iPhone 666
jael if you aren’t sure you want this then wait. You can leave any time. Also if you’re shaking you may miss the shot. Do you want to end up with half a face?
jael if you aren’t sure you want this then wait. You can leave any time. Also if you’re shaking you may miss the shot. Do you want to end up with half a face?
Sorry, double post
Ok, laughing a bit. Not sure if the iPhone666 is worth staying for when they’re only on 5. I need something life can’t give me any more. I want a reason to stay and I’m looking up until the last minute to find it 🙁
Halloween is just around the corner *raises eyebrow*
In the immortal words of one adorable little orphan named Annie, the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow…..blah blah blah you know the song
I have no one. No one left. I also have no one here to stop me. I will have to stop myself or see where the first shot leaves me.
I’m actually more afraid than I thought I would be.
Mimito my sun stopped coming out a long long time ago.
jael, what is your situation? do you have a job? any family? any pets?
Why does it need to happen right now?
You have my permission to shoot as long as there are no bullets in the gun
OB1 yes, I have a job. No family, friends, pets. I found out the parents that left me at age 4 to be raised by a friend that molested and raped me repeatedly for years, are dead…have been dead for years. No siblings. No other family that I know of.
Scar504 it doesn’t have to be now, but I can’t see waiting any longer either.
Mimito I have only one bullet in.
jael, i’m sorry to hear that. you have obviously been through some terrible things. have you ever had any counselling or therapy?
No. I think I slipped through the cracks.
Is it the past that’s holding you back?
Is it the past that’s holding you back?
Take the gun and hold it to your head, but don’t shoot.
That will help you decide if it’s all worth it.
I’m not sure. It’s my life and knowing I’m ruined and life will not get better. I’ve waited and waited for things to get better. I’m stuck, I’m lost. So death is where I can be free.
Quiet I’ve been putting it up to my head every few minutes. I shake, I’m not sure why I’m shaking other than nervous.
You thought you’d be able to just calmy do this without any hesitation? What is it that makes you ruined? If the past is what’s been clinging to you, perhaps there’s still a way.
Scar504 Yes. I did actually. I’ve done extreme sports, it’s a rush. I thought this is the ultimate rush. I thought. I’m crying. I feel it’s now or never. I’m ruined by people that used me, hurt me. I can’t go into detail right now. I’m, I don’t know. Shit I don’t know what I’m feeling.
jael, please put the gun away. are you new here?
OB1 fairly new. Posted first around mid month of September. Something draws me here. But nothing has changed. I rented a room to do this. They will hear the gun, I’ll be found. I just need to be sure. I was sure. I am sure. I’m trying to be as calm as possible.
Do you live alone?
Jael, now is not the last opportunity you’ll ever have to leave this world. As i said before you can leave any day, you have all the time in the world to not exist. I’m not saying don’t do it; i’m saying think about what you’re doing. You’re obviously on edge right now, and that worries me as well. Firearms are not a surefire way out, you may miss and end up worse off then ever before. Do you think you could at least chew it over for another day? or two? or a week? or a few years? 🙂
Yes I live alone. I’m not at home though now. I couldn’t do it there.
Scar504 I don’t know. The time is here. I don’t want to keep running.
jael, did you try out the SP chatroom? the link is at the top right of the main page. tell them i sent you and you’ll get a free beer.*
* this is not a guarantee
I would really like to hear more about your story if your open to sharing?
No, I didn’t. I ran out of time. I rushed to get here…to have time calm myself. Talking to you guys is helping me stay calm.
If I pull the trigger and I’m still here…I think I may freak out.
I’m scared :’/
Are you at a hotel or something?
you still around jael?
“keep calm and carry on”
that slogan is from a british wartime poster. my grandma was a londoner and lived through the blitz.
i once asked her what it was like. she answered “bloody terrifying, dear”, before handing me a biscuit.
anyway, i still think you should put the gun down.
Yes I’m in a hotel.
Erictex85 I was waiting to say thanks to you again. Along with everyone else.
You sure you don’t want to take my proposal? 1 more day?
OB1 I take it literally in my case. Keep calm (which I’m trying very hard to do) and carry on (with this plan)
Jay 85. Are you off your self
The gun feels heavy, I’ve held it for a long time now. I don’t want to mess up. I don’t want to be in more pain. Quick, lights out. Free. I’m shaking still so bad. Crying off and on. Scar504 I am in just as much pain living another day. I don’t know, I don’t want to start freaking out now.
Yes Donnie.
jael, you have cleverly manipulated the message i was intending to get across. i am impressed by your ingenuity. 🙂
unfortunately the british government never thought to produce a slogan which read:
“keep calm, put the gun away, stay on SP and make sure you also visit the chatroom” 🙁
What sex are you. Ok i;m been a perve..?
im sorry, I’ve spiraled down again, and there is nothing i can say to help you. i just wanted to check on you. and possibly get you to consider atleast waiting till 12/21/12. I dont really think anything is going to happen, but the slight chance of a global disaster has kept my hopes up(i know im sick). The way i see it, say we get a solar flare, or something serious sets us back hundreds of years technologically, we can have a second chance, to rise to the top of humanity, and be the happy ones! maybe i am crazy
I need to go. Thanks guys. I need to take time to take some breaths.
I say wait it out.?
what kind of gun(caliber)? put it between the blankets, to warm it up, nothing like a cold gun in your mouth
Cause people will hate you. Some will like you. I think you ok.
leave the gun in your hotel room or car and go for a walk.
You already asked her that Donnie. If you are going to leave Jael are you at least certain that you’ve straighten out all your affairs? Pets, family, etc.
If you’re so tierd you should go to sleep. Wake up tomorrow and figure things out. 🙂
Thank you for checking on me Erictex85.
strangely enough i can relate, im sitting here with a .357 revolver with a 7 1/2 barrel(very cold), but i dont think im going to shoot myself tonight
I wish you would stick around a little longer and give us a chance to know your story
OB1 walking doesn’t help much. Scar504 I have no affairs to straighten out. No family or pets to bother with. This is a lot harder than I thought. The shaking was not expected. Nor the second guessing myself to go through with this. I need the 3-2-1 count down take a deep breath and pull. But my finger is shaking so bad I can’t do it with on finger.
Mimito if it is so that I’m still here in a little bit, I will tell you my story.
I need Donnie back to tell me go, shoot.
Ok, I’ll be here waiting.
I think that if it’s that hard for you to go through with it then maybe you don’t really want to and maybe you should reconsider. I don’t normally tell people that want to commit suicide that they are doing something wrong but in your situation you don’t seem to really want to die
I do. I was looking for assurance, or some sort of sign to know to stay. That’s irrelevant now. I’m here. I am not lying, I’m scared. Scared for other reasons.
Good-bye guys. Just in case. Thanks for today. Thanks for the kind words.
Have a nice trip I’ll join you shortly
bye jael. hope you feel better in the morning. don’t forget to check out the chatroom if and when you come back to SP.
This is taking longer than it should! Fucking need to get it together.
Where are you?
I’m still here waiting to hear some more about your life in case you want to take a break
dont! pleasee im on the edge to but please dont’t we can all make it throught this please just don’t im here for you we all are please dont!
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! THE FIRST ONE OH GOD NOT IT FUCK, FREAKING OUT NOW DO I GO ONE MORE, SHIT!!!
You can’t try it more than once on the same day
read this and cried imagining how scared you are
sorry to join this so late, but mimito is right about not trying it more than once on the same day.
and you said yourself that if it didn’t go off you’d give yourself another day. take it as a sign!
<3
Jael are you still with us I hope, post something please
I’m still here I’m freaking out some still unsure still crying trying to breathe normal again
I’ve been really worried about you, I’m really happy to hear that your still with us
I’ll be up late if you want someone to chat with
I don’t know what to do now
No this was supposed to finish it. Now I’m scared to go again. Oh my god. I should have not done this this way.
I don’t know anything either and I’m pretty lost myself but if you want someone to talk to like I said I am here
Mimito thank you I need to calm down first
Ok, I’ll be waiting, let me know when you’re calmed down
Mimito I slept some. I can’t stop hearing the click noise the gun made. I said I would take it as a sign, but I’m here now. Worried that I won’t finish what I started.
Sometimes I need someone to talk to. I need to not feel so alone at this time.
What does it mean when we are ALL of us alone? I think it means that maybe we are together. So, then, I feel alone…the same as you feel. But, we are really together because I am thinking of you right now and if you are reading this, then you are thinking of me. Sometimes that is enough…and when it is not, I can remember that sometimes it is and keep waiting for that to happen. Sorry, now I’m rambling. But at least I’ve stopped crying. It is comforting to know you are talking.
isaac thank you. You are right. I do feel less alone talking to you guys. Today is not a great day for me as it might not be for you. I do need to lay down for a little time to rest though. Maybe I can talk to you later.
I don’t think I’ve ever created a post with 100+ comments. 20 max. I think you can tell a lot about a person by the number of comments they receive on Internet forums.
Rest is always good. I feel less bad after rest as well. I am open to talk. maybe because it gives me something to look forward to. Maybe because I’m really talking to us both and that in trying to console you a bit, some of it will rub off on me. As you well know, every day seems different in it’s degree of ‘suck’. Today may be more, so could tomorrow…but it could also be less. Knowing you are trudging through it gives me a sense of solidarity with you…hope that maybe I can continue as well. Maybe that kind of union can shore us all up a bit. thank you for that. i’m already kinda glad I gave myself a week.