It’s been a pretty intense day. I’m at a pretty low ebb and all day I’ve felt really emotional. Mainly just really sad, it comes over me in a wave and makes me feel nauseous, and I want to cry. Cutting through that, I find myself smiling and laughing cos shit is so absurd 🙂 I’m a big beiliever in people and people have been really good to me today, very patient and kind. I think that maybe they can sense that I need that at the moment without realsing it. It takes about ten minutes to walk to my car after work and I had another tough one; head down, fighting it, just wanting to burst into tears. I cried a few times while I drove home and nearly in the supermarket – I’m too old for all this. When I got home I felt really drained and spaced out.
I’ve been having cycilcal dpression – onoff every three months or so and when I’m down I feel closer to suicide each time. It’s not even a strange idea anymore and even when I’m at my best it still seems like this is where I’m headed. This is not meant to shock, it’s just the way I feel. This is not a cry for help as there is nothing imminent, just flirting and fantasising. Thinking out loud, but that’s what we’re here for right?
If you’ve read this, the I’m really grateful that you’ve listened to me. If you’re struggling and you can relate then I’m there with you.
2 comments
You sound really strong and loved. I have the cyclical kind as well. It’s good you have that release. Chin up and head held high ok?
I am loved, but not strong. Got my head down at the mo, but thanks