Hopeful

I met a lady.  One from my past who knows the rumors about my phobias and psychosis.  She does not seem to be judgmental at all.  The meds are working. I am defiantly still suicidal, but things are looking up.

Although I am hopeful, I still have these unrelenting doubts that come with sudden success.  All of these great feelings of happiness could easily become a memory in a matter of a moment.  What ifs are simply overwhelming, but for some reason I do not care as much as I used to.

The most important feeling I have right now is I simply feel a connection with the person I used to be.  I feel fucking calm.  Why do I feel calm?