All my life when presented with a choice to makethe better choice, I choice the lesser. Instead of standing for what I believed was “right” I took the road of the coward. Or I made de isions without thinking of the end result. All of these choices lead me to where I am now. I’m back to drinking myself to sleep every night, I can’t even function around people any more. I’ve lost all of my true friends because I pushed them away. Why would I do this? because over the years I’ve been feeding myself lies of my own motives and who I tmruly was… or maybe even who I am. I’m still not sure. All I know is I can’t be around this environement any more. I’ve hurt too many people and created sadness in every place I see. Every area around me has a story that ends up showing me the terrible things that I have done. And with that, I will be leaving soon. I’m going to grab some money and clothes, and I’m guna take a walk. Where I’m going I have no idea, but right now any place is better than the sadness I’m surrounded by right now…
4 comments
Since I have been apart Oi thus site, when I get drunk I undersnd no one wants to deal with z drunk. But I just feel comfort in posting g this. I don’t expect people to understand or even pay attention to my posts, I can only put my perspective out to others to see something that they might have been through or may not have seen before. Idk like is aid I’m drum right now so its hard to take any response seriously.
Or… You could stay.
Stay and change…
Become the change you feel afraid of but wish for.
Become the person who makes the right choice.
Your right. I am afraid to change. All of the best times I’ve had are in my life are gone and if I let those go then and move on… there’s no joy left. All that’s left is what I am now. And I guess I can’t deal with that. More than that… I won’t deal wit it.I have become eveythign I said I wouldn’t. I shielded myself with an innocence to continue the way I was… but I can’t hide from myself any more. But if I stay I can’t change.tere Re too many people in my family that can control me into making g decisons that aren’t my own. I need to isolate myself… and find inner peace and happiness. Otherwise I won’t be happy at any point or with anyone in my life….
Well thanks for u and anyone else who paid any attention Roth post. Goonghtt