Struggling with bipolar desorder and thoughs of suicide

HI friends I don`t skeak English very well but anyway I try to express my feelings of distress and depression I`m suffering off, although I went on treatment since 3 yrs ago and I`ve got a good time until this year, is terrible cos I got some crisis and the last I`ve got was so severe you don`t know how hard is it when you try to jump up from bridges or if you cut your vains when I wanna hurt yourself or when all your life are obsessed with a person you love so much and this person treats you so badly and says fuck off you`re being a dickhead, or when you get angry with yourself cos you`re a fucking frustrated person cos you never got your professional career for not being supported and for not get a good econonical status, etc, it`s so freaking to hear it but it`s the true is my real life is being me. In my past life I constantly used to try to kill myself arround 10 times in a year cos I was so unhuppy and sad carrying all the pain of being buyllied, mocked, used from others is being me a disable woman with my misareble life it was driving me crazy¡ though my life has changed a lot and my treatment worked but I`m still unhappy for being a failed woman yes failed¡ then I do actually work playing music and singing in different places is not enough to get a good life I love music with all my heart, my family and my daughter but I`m unhappy with a lot of pain cos the person I mentioned before a famous person who was my influence and let me to discovered my singing talent hates me ignores me¡ through years I understood that this famous and cruel woman Sinèad Marie Bernadette O’Connor the irish singer does not want anything with fans, people cos she only cares her fame, her money, her work and her family anything else, and she uses people and situation to get more publicity for her personal bussiness she does not care anybody and much worse to care about child abuse cases or to support bipolar disorder people around the world like ordinary people and me,. So I`ve learned 2 yrs ago that I don`t have to do anything with this womam but she still insults me when I say thanks to her for her inspiration or when I talk about my opinions or if I ask her for music. I rejected her many times but she still hurts and insults me and this why I was devastated 2 days ago, i comitted an attemp taking pills after of making a claim on her twitter, she`s not anybody to mistreat anyone I cannot understand that as she is being bipolar desorder insuls to other bipolars, is unfair , she a esquizofrenic fucker, sorry if I say it but is the true, then the more reason is cos I don`t like being me cos i hate my life, I want to be someone important to this world to help and encourage other, What I do? Please write me back, thanks very much Sai