The everydayl life of a 14 year old American boy..

If you really knew me…
You would know that I had tried to commit suicide multiple times..
You would know that it’s actually not my mom who won’t feed me. She is not the reason I don’t eat I just starve myself for days hoping to pass out and never wake up.
You would know that I was once and still is bullied emotionally and physically.
You would know that I have a dangerously low self-esteem.
You would know that I take everything really serious it’s just that most people won’t take ME serious.
You would know that I’m not usually shy and all I’m just afraid of being ignored or laughed at.
You would know that I have suffered from depression my whole life I just don’t like showing it, because why bring people around you down? Might as well make them happy.(those smiles and laughters I receive after making them laugh are what I live for)
You would know that the stuff my “friends” call me actually hurt, but I won’t say anything, I mean what for isn’t that what friends are for, right?
You would know that I try my best to make anyone happy. I’m sorry if I don’t. You just can’t please everybody.
You would know that the feel of guilt actually kills me when you accuse me of something I didn’t do or didn’t meant to do or say, my heart starts racing and my head starts spinning. I literally feel sick with the thought of me being mean to someone.
You would know that even though I don’t want no body to be there for me I will be always here for you.
You would know that the only thing I want from people is their happiness. 🙂
You would know that I deal with this everyday. And I’m scarred that one of these days I’m might actually end up a success at suicide and ending up in hell.
You would know that I used to believe that nobody liked me…, but after my best friend told me she loved me <3 (i don't even know if it was something she just said) but since nobody actually has told me they loved me, those words actually sinked down deep deep to the bottom of my heart and I would like to thank her for that.
I know I'm just being a lil ***** but I can't help it this is how I am. :/