The first time I’m angry.

This has got to be fucking said! All this don’t compare lives and luck. Don’t compare pain. FUCK YOU. I take it all and more and I stand up and take the rest. My life is a mess and there are people who feel so much pain that your pain is joy. I and when I ask for help with out sex or a relationship attached I’m “using” someone who is a friend. A spoiled lucky friend. Isn’t that what friends do for friends? Help when they are desperate for it.  We are not any friends no one ever is “I’m still your friend” just means I still want to have a chance at sex with you.     FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK FUCK YOU!.  No one cares when I fall , when I hurt, when I starve. ARE LIVES ARE NOT EQUAL. WHAT MOST PEOPLE LIVE IS NOTHING FOR ME. I hate to admit this, but this time I’m very angry .. I am unlucky, but still better than all of them who USE me for pleasure  and happiness. You  like to think I’m using you though, silent lie between us. I wish you were unlucky! I want it so bad now, with the way they make it worse for me  and  they could help. ARE PAIN IS NOT EVER EQUAL MY PAIN IS PAIN AND YOURS IS MILD DISCOMFORT AND I’M OVER IT’S WHERE THIS WILL TAKE ME. I wanted for things too too not as much things as them, but I never received. I’ve never felt safe. I’VE NEVER FELT ME. I was always for you. For everyone. NOT FOR ME.  It’s not right that people actually believe are pain does not compare on some loose level. GO DIE ALL YOU LUCKY PEOPLE AND THEN  GO DIE TWICE IF I DO TOO. I just need help that’s all, but I’m just your fuck doll. Right? Okay. Go on hurt me. HURT ME MORE THAN I ALREADY DO IF YOU CAN MANAGE.