What does this even mean?

My life isn’t as bad as others.
On paper it’s perfect.
I haven’t enjoyed living life for about 12 years that I can actually remember.

But i’ve never looked into any sort of site like this before.
im usually just hating life and being too afraid to end it.
I just hate the not knowing what happens after.

and i have kids.
and im alone with them 90% of the time.
their father works 7 days a week.

they’re young. and they need to be taken care of.
but i hate every fucking day of my life.
they’re the only things keeping me alive at all.
id much prefer to just be numb.

fml.