Why?

I’m really sorry that you had to go through all of that with your dad, and that you’ve had to deal with loss of a loved one. I’m not really clear on if she left you or if she passed away – either way, it’s difficult to deal with. It’s not something you can “just move on” from.

I hope you know that your parents problems, the fighting and the abuse; the abuse of your father toward you, I hope you know that it’s not your fault. It’s nothing you did, it’s nothing you’ve said or done. It’s THEM. Please, remind yourself of that when/if you ever begin to blame yourself. Your dad obviously has something wrong with him, something defective in his brain to make him mistreat something so precious and just a gift HE chose not to cherish. You said your parents had you at 18. They were still just kids themselves. They didn’t have a chance to grow up and mature and learn how to be good parents. That’s NOT an excuse, so please don’t take it that way. They made the decision to be careless, and in that decision came something precious: You. They made the mistake of not creating the best life possible for you. They made the mistake of not making sure the only thing you knew was love.

I’ll give you my best advice, and you might not want to hear it. I just ask that you take it into consideration.

Don’t let these things, your father being an abusive asshole, losing the girl you love, don’t let them define you. In the end, what happens to you is your choice. You can either allow these things to drag you down, ruin your life, and drag you into the circle of abuse and teen parenthood; or you could work hard at rising above it that way in 10-20-30 years you can tell YOUR kids, “Look what I’ve done with my life. I came from such a hard start, and I made something of myself despite of it. They tried to beat me down, they tried to make me into them; but I was stronger than that.”

As for the girl you love, I’m getting the impression that she did not pass away, rather she broke up with you. I know you hurt, and I know you’re heartbroken; that’s natural. Of course you’re heartbroken! But you can’t allow one person to define you. If she chose not to be with you, then it’s her loss. She’ll never know what she could’ve had, what she could’ve been a part of. You can still love her, and wish she was still with you, but you must.. MUST not allow this to stop you from becoming someone awesome. If she can’t see that, then she doesn’t deserve you.

As for the abuse, I have to touch on this. How old are you? Why has no one ever tried to help? Has it been hidden? Do you think you could tell someone, like a teacher or family member? Maybe take pictures next time he hits you and turn him in. He needs help; and the only way he’s going to get it is if someone does something, and if no one else will then you should. You deserve better. Your brother and sister deserve better. Set the example for them, that no matter how hard or how scary it is, they can do anything.