23 suicide attempts this year.
300+ cuts fresh and old
does anyone care? no
recently i cut arms (left) from my shoulder to my wrist in all directions and in all depths. and my right fore arm the same. i WANT to go to a mental hospital i WANT help but me parents refuse. i use to cut for the fuck of it and at that time i would also pop pills and smoke weed without a care in the world. but now my life has hit the bottom im a home schooled loser with no friends anymore. people hate talking to me for what ever reason i guess im too depressing to talk to them. i went from being top number one popular kid at my school in california to being a loser at this school in ohio i begged to be home schooled i didnt want to be put threw hell everyday by people i didnt know instead i get hell form my parents who dont want  me. they told me they dont want me and that no one else wants me…i believe them. i dont even wwant me. i have nothing good about me. some days i wish i was dead others i just feel blah floating threw the day. i hate it. i hate looking in the mirror i hate looking at how fat i am and how ugly i am now. i feel like ive gone from the happiest to nothing. who would miss a nothing if i really did kill myself? no one. i am not important in no ones life. no one cares. no one knows how i feel. i wish i had someone who understood how i feel and wont be like the bitches i use to talk to and make it sound like they are going threw something wirse than i am acting like im being over dermatic and that her boyfriend not tlaking to her is worse than me attempting suicide. but i know i will never find that person. i will sit and wait for my reason to stay or go. and it looks like i have more reason to go than stay. since no one cares about me.
3 comments
I understand you. And even though I don’t know you, I would be devastated if you killed yourself. I know what it feels like to desperately want the pain to end, but you have to have faith. I truly believe that in the future once you’ve recovered, you will use the pain you went through to help people going through the same things. You’ll change people’s lives.
Also, I recommend going into the psych ward. Meeting other people who have problems just like me changed my life, and I am no longer ashamed of what I’ve gone through. How old are you? Legally, you can admit yourself in the psych ward as long as you’re at least 16 (at least that’s the age you have to be in Canada). It could change your life! 🙂
“23 suicide attempts this year”
How can you fail 23 times, and not be in a nice, cozy padded wall room ?
I understand. I would never stand here and tell someone that they should suck it up or that things will get better, because I know how it feels to be utterly alone. I feel just as hopeless right now. I hope you find an end to your pain soon, regardless if it’s in the way others want or what you want. It’s unbearable to go to through everyday with so much suffering. I want nothing more than for my own pain to end. I wish I was as strong as you to even try to end my pain that many times. Half the time I sit here and force myself to stay still when I have the urge to drive a steak knife through my throat. I wish I wasn’t a coward. I wish I wasn’t so alone. I’m waiting too, for someone to finally understand how I feel. Not lecture me, yell, or even say I’m sorry you feel that way, I just want someone who knows why I have these thoughts or why I act the way I do. I just look at so many people and even the ones who are supposed to be the closest to me “my family” are just so fake its nauseating. No one cares about me either. I could hang myself in this very moment and my entire family would say “good riddance” and probably spit on my corpse. I don’t feel like I deserve to live, so why I keep pushing through another day is a mystery to me. I hope you find peace, because you deserve it more than me… 🙂