I’m back to not sleeping. Completely consumed with thoughts of suicide all day long. I’ve purchased the materials needed for my exit. But I continue to carry on. Maybe I’m never going to do it. Im so close though. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. Its been one bad thing after another. And things are reaching a peak. Something is going to happen. And when I finally hit the wall Im ready this time.
2 comments
2 comments
Did you find that as soon as you gathered all the materials for your exit, you started to feel a little better? As in ‘perhaps I won’t need to use them after all, but it’s nice to know they’re there’? I know I did. It’s strange how the mind works sometimes, isn’t it?
Yeah, who would of thought having a suicide plan and supplies were therapeutic. Its like well least I have an escape route. Kind of like regaining some type of control. Its reassuring that they are there, and makes me feel better. I think its called suicidal idealation? Im still confused as to the difference in being suicidal & having suicidal idealation is? None the less I feel like the doomsday people who do all the prep work to survive only I’ve done all the prep work to die lol