Hi this is my life story and this shows how i feel and sorry for my grammar because im not english My childhood was very good like 1-4years until i startet realizing what is hapoening around me at that time my father was alchohfoflic like 2weeks drunk 1month when he was drunk the house was garvage he often goted that drunk that he would piss ewrywhere i was real amazed how human could survive only whit water so at the time reality realy crashed at me pretty hard at 6 i alredy knew santa wasnt real while 10,11olds still brlieved in him evry time dad start drinking mom said she leave but never did i hated that blufing when father was ok she allways said she leave him if he start drinking agian wonder why she didnt at age 7started go to school never found any friends my age becaus laiked be alone and i had realy good imaginti i could imagine evrything i liked that i am a hero a somthing so i didnt feel need for other children and at the time i was much more adult than them maybe because of expierence so i always was whit older kids and didnt have friends at my age because i thought the were imatude always crying because of somthing (i couldnt cry somehow even if i wanted) the fathers rinking got worse and worse when i was 9 i started crying but never for painn or somthing i just cried because of no reason and for very long my mom started shouting geting realy angry because i didnt say whats hapening to me i just said i dont know and she would punish me because of it then i started hating not only my father but her to father so now i didnt have anyone to tell somthing then i first thought of suicide evry night when mom and father fight at the end almost always my mom was crying even thought father wouldnt say a word she was the dominator in this relationship so she always couldnt shut up and have to say somthing even thought nothing would change when i was 10 my mom started working at a city (we lived at a vilage) tge city was far away so she only went back on sundays and she keeped us both alive whit my father .i started drinking
andsmoking.whit my older friends only to look cool when i was ileven mom took me into city
But she still payed bills for my father at12 i went bqck to vilage because i couodnt be whit the city kids they where just bad dishonest i newer thought that there were peaple not from tv screen vilians vilage peaple was.warm hearted and honest would tell not true but it always was seen the pain in their eyes and the were bad at lying unlike me i could lie crying promisimg it was true and no one would.think i am lying maybe life hardshipsade.me like this because.at that time i alredy having a mask on saying it was ok i knew i was foten inside and al i could feel.being scared lonely and bored realy bored.whit ewrything whit evry bullshit that is happening on earth all the shit peaple are doing how.many suffer and no one gives a.shit so i could say the only thing was more roten then my inside was the world itself whit many parasites on ot called humans so in the vilage i couldnt be very long whit my.dabd.he vas realy bad when he gets money drinks it all away so vot bacl and then the thing happened a our family friend that is helping to make a new bathroom for my grandmas appartment we were living in it whit.my my mother a good.looking man whot a three kids and gorgeous wife somtimes he bringed his litle kid over here and me master con artist used my the best nany mask and played whit the kid so i walked to the kitchen to bring my home made.pizza amd there was bathroom next to it where my mom and he was.tjey were fuckkng and i was absulutely discused when i tried ti talk whit my mom trought the door (i knew it beckause of thr sounds) that bastard didnt stop and i was so in full caps rage i was.and i am ki
and had expierense could open the door
and comfort that man o know what are you thinking a13old vs 3? Guy but I was realy strong for my age amd could withstand any kind of hits I could dont feel pain when Im consentrated and I was cold as.steel the true I was wery cold at any moment a family member died or I went to house whit not clean shoes it was the same and when I fightedbi fighted to losing counsiusnes so I could fight anyone at my age and win not because.i am stronger is just because.i am rotened inside so you can tell.what my next move was of course I didnt do anything the guy would lose family and it would put me in akward situation I didnt want that so I just went back to my room and continued playing my game yoh could say that I am a monster or smthing but I was truly deeply hurt and sad and discusted ofcourse I knew whay sex was.when I was 7i knew what sex is so just after that still stinkin she come to like looked to from the shoulder said ,,watcha playing,, oni was so so angry inside and discused whit her being even near me in the same room whit.me breathing the same air so I thought we ewryone are some kind of roten type when I was to northen ireland to work shortly after when I was 14she took me to so now I live and go to school in nort irelan I am 14 and want to end it because I am bored ewrything is so shity that even I started t not care have no friend because I hate empty talk and it got so painful to wear these masks so now at school you can find me at 1 place readeang books whit top score at exams and just tired im.just14 and so tired saw evry kind of peaple I wanted to see did evrything what I wanted to do and when I het home there waits my mother that will scream at me because she had no luck at job and im to oi ld to this vullshit I kniw it may be better over years but I will be just empty shelk after these years abd what I need now is just quick non painfull method to end it of course I wont kill myself just after geting it I wait for a day that is especialy shity to much disaooitment to less fun I wanted being somthing special extrodinal jike having telekinesis or like could draw realy good but I.cant and its just to tiring to litle reason to live so finaly I want fast not painfull cgeap way to kill myself oh gea guys remember donate all your organs to the ones that need them and want to live unlike us