I haven’t told many people what I am going through. Just my mom and she thinks I am over reacting. On here I don’t feel judged so I am going to post it. I have always felt alone even when I had friends, now I have lost all of them. In Middle School I lost my Papa..He was my father figure. I got so depressed I started cutting. My mom found out and got me “help”..It never really helped because if it had I wouldn’t have started again. 🙁 I don’t want to cut but I don’t know what else to do. I had lost all my friends but two(I have even lost them), Dean and Kay, in the last 4 years. This year things got worse, on Halloween they hit rock bottom. The night of Halloween my best friend Kay and Me had a fight, her mom called me because she overdosed on pills after I left her house. They are blaming me and now I am being bullied at school. I am going to give you the back story on Dean so the rest will make since. Dean and I dated on and off for months. We have always been friends but this time he really hurt me. We were working things out, he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me but he wanted to move really slow. Well the Friday after Halloween I ran into a old friend. Her name is Lyn, she is prettier then me, always happy, and has a job so she has more money. We were all chilling at Dean’s that night. Well Saturday we went to the fair and Dean started acting weird..I knew what happened..He had fallin’ for Lyn just like everyone else does. The next day he told me that he didn’t love me like that, he only elves me as a friend. We fought all day. I have cried for like 5 days. I am running out of tears. Sunday night I hurt so bad I cut for the first time since Middle School. I don’t believe in love at first sight but there was something different about Dean. I thought he cared. After that I told him and Lyn I couldn’t talk to them anymore. I love them both but she kept talking to him and it hurt to bad whether they were just friends or not. Last night Lyn called me and asked if she was really gonna loss me if she kept talking to him, I told her yeah. She told me that they tried to fuck but he couldn’t go though with it. He kept getting soft because he was worried that their relationship would turn out like mine and his. When he found out I cut Sunday night he told me he didn’t want anything to do with me. Now he want to come bring me my stuff today and talk some since into me cause I told Lyn I still didn’t want her to talk to him at all and she told him she couldn’t.
I have lost everyone since I lost those two. I can’t talk to anyone cause nobody understands. I get that what I am going though isn’t as bad as most but it was still bad enough to me to trigger cutting.
What I am wondering is if I should forgive both of them and just move on or if I should cut both of them out of my life and move on? They both want to be friends but I can’t trust them, Please help me..What would you do?
7 comments
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It really does hurt being betrayed by someone you love, losing your friends, being bullied etc… Simply put, life is a *****. And no one blames you for being in a dilemma.
What I think you can do is bring them back as ‘friends’ but not completely. You do have trust issues with them. Try resolving them by rekindling your friendships with them. Accept their offer. But don’t let your guard down either. Don’t give them all of you, just be acquaintances and school friends I’d say.
I’d like to also ask what grade are you in? If its not possible to befriend them, you can pretend to be on good terms with them, and go on like that until after you graduated high school, go onto college! So its sort of like your second option in your question to us readers. You can leave all the past behind and start a new chapter in your life. New start 😀
So don’t fret, things will get better in your situation. You know there is hope. Act upon it.
Thanks. I am a Senior. I am supposed to Graduate in June. My mom is currently switching schools since she knows about the bulling but she doesn’t know about Dean and Lyn. She disapproves of both of them so I can’t let her know they hurt me. I plan to get into a new school where nobody knows me and my story. I get a fresh start now then in June I plan to go to Daytona and go to Keiser a completely new start. New town, new people and just new everything. I only have to see anyone from here for another 6 maybe 7 months I just don’t want to be completely without friends.
I meant she doesn’t know how bad they hurt me she knows they hurt me though.
Wow, that’s a great plan. It’s almost to fruition, you just need to live out these next couple of months. I understand you are looking forward to this new start, but you don’t want to be friendless in your hometown and school till it happens. Since you don’t rly trust these past friends of yours, how about making new ones? Are there any groups in your High school or clubs you can atend after shcool? Maybe you can find something your passionate about or just are interested in learning more about and joining a group/club and finding people who share your interest and maybe even find new friends?
I wish I could. I ride a bus because I live like 30 minutes from my school and that’s in a car it’s a hour on the bus. With my mom working till 4 or 5 everyday someone has to be home with my baby sister after she gets out of school. That’s why I got on this site, thinking maybe I could find friends on here even if they are online and not in person. People I can trust.
Oh I see, well maybe we can be friends then I suppose lol xD
Im sure there are other great people on here that would be fun to talk to as well.
:D! So where are you from? I’m from Florida:)