Don’t know what to do anymore

I haven’t exactly lived a terrible life. My parents are still married  and materialistically they’ve always given me the things I want. I even continue to ask for more things to try and make myself feel better and relieve the mental torture I put myself through, but nothing helps. Yes they’ve given me the things I’ve wanted but I feel like they’ve never given me the love that I need and want. My parents don’t seem to understand me, especially my dad who isn’t very open minded. I feel like everything I do isn’t good enough to them and that I just make their life a misery. I’m having such a bad time at school (I am 17) and want to drop out of college to do something I really love but no dad went crazy. He literally plans my future and doesn’t consider my feelings. School is no longer compulsory for me, why doesn’t he just let me live my life and do another course and be happy? He sees how upset I  every single day and doesn’t help in the slightest! In fact he makes me feel a thousand times worse.  Ive always hated the school I attend and did want to leave a few years ago to join a new school but once again my dad said no. It’s like they enjoy seeing me sad and miserable. My parents keep pointing out about how I’m not normal and have a problem, and yes I know I do have a problem but they don’t help at all! They just keep criticising me and go on about all my flaws.  I have no longer got a social life and hardly have any friends. I feel like a recluse. When I go out now I panic and have breathing problems and literally feel like I’m going to die. I have zero confidence and dot feel good enough for anyone. I’m afraid to eat because I don’t want to step on the scale to find out I’ve gained a kg. I make myself sick every time I eat and I’ve been doing this for over a year now. I’m now 48kg which is underweight for my height but I still feel like a balloon. My parents do know about my eating disorder but again hasn’t helped me but criticises   me about it… They often go on about how I look ill and look like a lollipop with a big head and tiny body.

I know I have written so much, and I’m sorry that some of you may read all of this but I am just so unhappy And have been for a few years now. I don’t know what to do. My parents don’t help, I’ve fallen out with so many friends and I’m hating school. I just want away get away and I don’t know if death is the only option I have I just want help 🙁 I hate waking up in the mornings when I sometimes just want to be dead!!