I dream of death- I long for death.. I want death but I can’t bring myself to kill myself. I dont have a sob feel-sorry for me-story, but I have a million reasons why I want to die- and they are my own. I dont need to justify it to any of you to know that it is what I want. I hate the feeling of – feeling. Of being here.. with you- you, who are reading this, judging me, empathizing, pretending to have sympathy or some kind of connection.. you make me sick, you sadistic fuck.
I make me sick. I am angry- at myself, at everyone.. at all of this.. I just dont want to be- I want to cease to exist- I want to end this timeline and progression that has been wrought with the guttural bile-tasting experiences of me pushing away everyone that I was once close to in my life.. to being in love and losing that love years ago- to never being able to put that experience behind me, and knowing what it is like to hate at the same time as love, and not being able to turn it off.. to turning to drugs and alcohol until I had wasted into a ball of oblivion.. to dragging myself into sobriety in an attempt to reclaim my life and pretend it was worth living.. to constant isolation, because I dont want to deal with what it means to have to communicate what I am feeling to YOU and DEAL with the bullshit that you are going to tell me in your pathetic attempt to pretend that you give half a shit, or help.. to this feeling of constant misery- feeling such depth of intense rage and sadness that I am paralyzed on a goddamned smelly couch, surrounded by material bullshit that I have collected in feeble attempts to temporarily hasten the misery.. to everything. Don’t fucking tell me that you’ve felt this way before and that there is a way out- you dont know what I fucking feel- and I dont give a shit if you have had the exact experiences as I- I dont care if you feel sorry for me, I dont care if I feel sorry for me. I just want this all to end. I dont want to be here, I dont want to exist, I dont want to feel, I dont want to love, I dont want to care, I dont want to deal. I dont want you and I sure as hell don’t want me.
So fuck you.
And most certainly fuck me.
7 comments
Thanks for sharing.
W-w-wait! Don’t bother telling me: I’m going now to fuck myself, OK? I do enjoy the occasional big black cock in my ass.
Ok! Don’t forget the L-l-lube! What a clever reply. I am sure you were filled with pride when you hit the “Submit Comment” button.
LOL! Did you edit my previous comment? That’s really sad. How many of these suicide posts are made by you under different user names?
I feel anger as you do ataractic. Fuck everything right? When we were kids everyone said we had it good. I thought they meant because they went to “work.” Life sucks because the world is fucking ugly. People are ugly. I mean they are ugly on the inside, though it permeates through the very teeth they lie through and decieve all those around them every day. Fuck them indeed.
This is the only one.. and it was what I am genuinely feeling. I dont care what kind of clever snap-to-do reply you have for it, or how comical you think it is. I think it is sad that you are trolling these posts.
i’m sorry you feel that way ataractic. you write as though you don’t really want replies, because you tell us that you don’t want to hear that we understand or that we want you to try. i’m also sorry that someone wrote back to you in such a crude manner. i won’t try and tell you to try and i won’t tell you i understand. hell i don’t know you i don’t know what you are going through. i’ve been through my own shit but that doesn’t mean i get yours. i can only hope it gets better and hope that you find something that will make you want to try. hang in there and i’m thinking about you.
Hmmm the closest I get to sympathy or relating is if I have felt the same way. My feelings are faded or gone in most areas so I see it from a fairly detached standpoint. I admittedly did start judging you after reading the I don’t have a sob poor me comment, becasue that comment is a judgement it’s self. You seem to be used to everybody saying the same bullshit every time and I don’t blame you, they all fucking do don’t they? Well anyways I might be off on par of this reply, because I only read about 90% the post and I was skim reading, exactly like highschool