I woke up this morning and couldn’t believe this is life. That this is the life I have to live. I can’t believe it although it’s there as real as it could be.
I think about the possibility of being somewhere else. In a different body. Different place. Maybe a little house near the sea. Maybe with someone I care about. But this is just a thought for a Sunday morning. I am aware that it could never happen and I honestly don’t want any of that. It’s just something to cover up the reality.
Actually it would be enough if I could just take a shower, but there’s no hot water. I pull my body out of the bed, wash my face and take a look in the mirror, saying to myself „This can’t be me.†It’s never me. It’s never anything.
I’m feeling sick and kind of weak, so I make some coffee. It’s pitch black and the darkness worries me for a second – unbelievably ridiculous reason to be worried. Darkness freaks me out this autumn and I’m angry at myself for this, because last year I finally had got rid of the fear of it.
Mother says something to me, but I don’t hear it. She was drinking last night. Of course she was. She always is.
It’s life. No way out. And tomorrow is a Monday morning.
5 comments
It can’t be worse than being a commercial fisherman which incidentally is the most dangerous profession with more fatalities each year than any other job. So, when people say worse things happen at sea, there is some truth in it.
Theres a woman on here that said she would marry me for a visa. I might be desperate but I’m not that desperate.
Hold on there Heima. From what you say, your life is not easy. But I can tell you for sure, that it can be better.
You just need to fight. And then will be worth it, and you will be proud of yourself.
You should be proud of yourself for your achievements, specially in the bad situation you are.
I think, if anything in life we can learn from what happens to us. For instance if your mom has drinking problems, you know how it feels, you could help others to cope with the same situation, and you can make sure you would never do the same to your children.
I dont know what is your specific situation, buy try to help your mom out of it, it will help you too.
Getting into a better situation, it is not going to be easy. But i tell you it can be done, you can do it!
Why don’t you have hot water? Are you caught post-Sandy?
@duke, I actually think it’s a pretty good offer. Considering you brought it up, and you’re into bigamy. I’m pretty tolerant that way.
I’m not really into bigamy. You can’t use somebody for a visa. That’s wrong.
@duke, check back on swan’s thread. I don’t want to crap all over this thread.