Hi

I’m new here. Please be nice to me. Please don’t judge me.

Ever since I can remember, I did not have a passion for life. I was not really suicidal at that time. But I was okay with dying. I just did not have a reason or an urge to live. But, I don’t necessarily project myself that way. People used to see me as happy-go-lucky. They may have no idea that I do not have this urge to live. My friends see me as a relatively happy person who can handle most problems; (I think).

Right now, I think I am depressed. Sometimes I cry everyday then after a day or two be okay again. Then go back to crying again. Like now.

My problem is very mundane. And, probably, some people would laugh at me when they know.

My closest friends do not know what I’m going through. Nobody knows. Well except maybe an online friend that I pushed away.

I don’t want my closest friends to know because they might think lowly of me. They know me as this strong, stubborn person.’

I feel that the person I project to be and who I really am are very different. I am not strong. I am very weak. If I was strong, I would not cry almost everyday.

I just want to talk to him for one last time but he wouldn’t give me the time. That’s all I’m asking for. I’m not gonna beg him to take me back. But he is just so cold. No reply. NO whatsoever.I want to know if he cares if I would die.

See? my problem is so mundane. Please don’t laugh at me.